Returning to my Roots

New Blog

2011-08-02T18:47:00.001-07:00

I've decided to start using WordPress for my blog. Be sure to update the link to my blog - rachelblack07.wordpress.com

Love Notes Returned

2011-08-01T18:52:00.000-07:00

Mondays are always hard, today was made a little easier as I read His little love notes to me. Look around...they're everywhere.

*A delicious bowl of watermelon to start my day

*Starbucks...yum

*Calm in the face of a situation at work

*A resolution to said situation that ended up NOT costing my company $2600

*Getting through much more of my work than I anticipated getting done today

*Free Chipotle for lunch!

*Resolving a years-long conflict with a friend

*The peace that comes from the freedom of resolving that conflict

*A relaxing drive home

*Enjoying the quiet in my house
*Walking to the mailbox in the sun

New adventures

2011-07-24T14:24:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've been on many adventures in the last couple months.

Adventure #1 - I threw my first baby shower at the beginning of June for a couple girls at work. I've never thrown a baby shower before, and I'm glad another co-worker co-hosted it. It was a LOT of work, but very rewarding when all was said and done.

Adventure #2 - We bought a house! Finally, after 4 long years, we are out of our 1-bedroom, 1-bathroom, 700 sq ft apartment, and into a 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom, 1500 sq ft house. It's nice to have the space =)

Adventure #3 - With buying a house comes the need to pack. I've never had to pack before a move. When I was little and we moved, my parents always packed all my stuff for me. When I moved from Indiana to California, I only brought clothes with me, then my mom mailed me a few boxes of my things. When I moved out of my parents house into the apartment, I didn't have much in my bedroom to be packed up. So this was really my first time having to pack. I did fine with most of the stuff in the apartment...then it was time for the kitchen. I was paralyzed with fear thinking of how to pack that up, so I didn't do it. A dear friend brought her family over to help us move, and she packed my kitchen for me. Yes, I am spoiled =)

Adventure #4 - My first road trip by myself. I took a trip out to the coast this weekend, making the 4 1/2 drive out on Friday evening after work, and the 4 1/2 hour drive back on Saturday afternoon. Made for a long 2 days.

Adventure #5 - My first time camping. Granted, it was only for a night. But there was a tent, a sleeping bag, and a port-a-potty involved, so it still counts! Luckily I didn't have to set up or tear down my own tent, or I would have been in bad shape.

What will my next adventure be?

Long Overdue Love Notes

2011-07-18T23:50:00.000-07:00

•Buying a house

•Moving out of our apartment after 4 long years

•Fresh paint

•My father-in-law helping my husband do the painting

•My mother-in-law cleaning the new house for us

•3 days off to pack, unpack and rest

•Just enough help to get us all moved to the new house

•Internet & TV hooked up!

•A new refrigerator

•Parking my car in the garage

•Neighbors coming over to introduce themselves

•A neighbor lending us his dolly to bring in furniture

•A precious video reminding me that I'm loved just when I'm feeling like I'm not

•Going to see a movie

•Cool weather on moving day

•Peace in the midst of chaos

•A beautiful little 3 year old having her birthday

•Shopping for her birthday gift

I know there are more. Instead of focusing on the fact that I can't remember them all, I will choose to be amazed that He would love me enough to give me even these.

NO Excuses

2011-06-26T17:32:00.000-07:00

My friend spoke this morning at church. I love when he speaks. Don't get me wrong...our senior pastor is great, our associate pastor is great. But there's just something about when the younger generation of pastors speak that moves me. His message was titled "No Excuses". How often do we find ourselves making excuses for our own actions, the actions of others, even our inaction? My answer would be every single day. In fact, as I walked into church this morning, I saw someone who had emailed me a project to work on this week...and in my busy head, I completely forgot about it. I started preparing what I was going to say to him - I checked my email at work, but not when I got home, so I forgot you had emailed me. I had a busy week and didn't have much time to work on it in the evenings. I had plans that kept me out of the house in the evenings. All of these are true...all of these are excuses. (As I type that, I find myself wanting to give excuses for why I was giving excuses...it's a vicious cycle!)

I'm too young. I'm too busy. I'm too old. I'm too tired. Common excuses. Valid excuses. But excuses nonetheless. I'm the queen of excuses. Ask me to do anything and I'll give you 5 reasons why I can't. God hasn't called me to excuses. God has called me to more. God has called me to life. How can I live my life if I'm spending all my energy coming up with the reasons why I can't live my life?

"David was the youngest." (1 Samuel 17:14)

David and Goliath. Everyone knows this story, or at least the gist of it. David was young, and small, and he slew the great Goliath. He volunteered to go against Goliath. He could have made excuses - after all, he was young and he was smaller than other fighters. Instead, he focused on the things that made him the perfect man for the job. God had a plan for David's life, and excuses would get him nowhere.

"David said to Saul, 'Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.'

Saul replied, 'You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.'

But David said to Saul, 'Your servant has been keeping his father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The LORD who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.'

Saul said to David, 'Go, and the LORD be with you.'" (1 Samuel 17:32-37)

Thank you Aaron for reminding me that excuses get me nowhere in God's plan for my life. It's time to stop hiding behind them, and start living my life.

Promises

2011-06-21T21:35:00.001-07:00

"Not one of all the LORD’s good promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled."

-Joshua 21:45-

A dear friend told me once while praying for me that God had promised to make me a wife and a mother one day. She said she never spoke those sorts of promises over women, fearing she might give them false hope for something God wasn't speaking...but she felt confident in speaking that to me. I've held on to those promises, waiting to see them come to fruition.

I've been married 4 years. I'm a wife...promise fulfilled. But there are moments, days even, when I don't feel I'm being a wife. Maybe I'm just being married. I'm beginning to realize there is a difference...but I'm not 100% sure what that difference is, or how to bridge the gap. Is this a promise fulfilled, since God held up His end of the deal, getting me a husband, or is He still trying to fulfill it?

Motherhood...I'm impatient in this area. I desperately want to be a mother. Everyone around me seems to be enjoying this experience. 5 people in my office are expecting, 2 friends are due this fall/winter, my cousin is expecting baby #3...and 3 of my high school friends just had babies. That's the short version of the list. I'm excited for them, but I can't help but wonder, and whine a little, "When is it my turn?" Then my fear rises up, reminding me of 3 little ones close to my heart taken to heaven too soon...and I worry. I worry that will happen to me, and I won't have the strength to face it and survive it. Would a lost child be considered a promise fulfilled?

I find comfort and strength in watching a strong woman I love dearly walk through the loss of not one, but 2 of her babies before they were born. Watching her be an amazing mom to her firstborn, while seeing her grieve for and miss her second and third. She has not given up on the promise of God to give her another child, and I find strength in this.

God's timing is perfect. 40 years in the desert...I'm sure the Israelites would have preferred to get to the Promised Land a little quicker than that. They got there, though. I suppose this is my journey in the desert. God's promises are true, and He always makes good on them. I'm learning to walk in faith and belief in that.

Liberty

2011-05-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

Liberty weekend happens once a year at our church, and it happened last weekend. Liberty weekend is when we come together as a church and give above our normal weekly tithes and offerings. It's such an exciting time. Ministries and individuals spend all year gathering up money for their Liberty offering. Amazing testimonies come out of Liberty. Liberty funds allow us to do amazing things we wouldn't have been able to do without it.

I didn't spend much time praying about what we would be giving this year. Okay, I didn't spend ANY time praying about it. I knew we would give something, but I passed that decision along to my husband and left it up to him to write the check. He gave an amount he felt was the right amount. In years past, I would have told him it was not enough and he needed to write a bigger check. This year, something stopped me. We're in the midst of trying to buy a house. Every penny we can scrape together to save needs to go to this venture. The money we had saved for our 4th anniversary trip to Disneyland - to the house fund. The extra money for paying off debt - to the house fund. The money we could give to Liberty - to the house fund.

Let me back up...I consider myself a giver. I like to give to those I love in tangible ways - a drink from Starbucks, an item of clothing they've been desperately needing/wanting, paying for a meal as we spend time together, a snack for my pregnant friend when we both crave Skittles in the afternoon. Whatever the cost, I love the feeling of giving. In past years, I've felt no hesitation at the amounts God has called us to give at Liberty. I also haven't felt stretched by those amounts. This year is different.

We gave our Liberty offering at the Saturday night service. It was a small turnout, and service didn't last long. Sunday morning, I awoke singing the theme song for Liberty Weekend - "Miracle" by Darlene Zschech. All morning, I kept repeating the chorus:

I am ready for a miracle
I'm expecting a miracle
That the house of God
Will be glorious
And the world will see
Every harvest stars with a seed of faith
See the nation rise and take its place
I am ready
Ready for a miracle

First service started Sunday morning, and that played on a loop in my head. As I helped my step-mom count the offerings and give the numbers to the tech team, the offering amount grew. Up and up and up...and I felt good about the check we gave. Until I didn't. As I continued singing "I'm ready for a miracle, I'm expecting a miracle", I heard Him ask me "Are you?" It's been a while since I really heard God speak to me, so I wasn't sure it was Him. I pushed it back and kept singing. He kept asking the question "Are you?" Finally I stopped to respond. What do You mean am I ready? Of course I am! "Are you?" Why do You keep asking me that? Of course I'm ready for a miracle. Who doesn't want a miracle? "Are you ready?" He is persistent. There was something in this question I wasn't getting. Am I ready? "Do You trust me with your dreams?" There it was. I was ready for a miracle...just not in my own life. I have big plans for the next year - a house, a dog, paying down/off debt, hopefully a baby soon...did I trust Him to fulfill those dreams this year, regardless of my bank account? As I thought about the testimonies given that morning about how Liberty had blessed others, I thought about how I did not have my own story. I had never stretched myself. If you need a little, plant a little. If you need a lot, plant a lot. I had been planting a little, and getting only a little in return. It was time for that to change. "Are you ready?" Okay, God, our check wasn't enough. How much is enough? "You're not going to Disneyland for your anniversary as planned...how about that money?" That's for the house now...and you want me to give it up? I'm never going to be able to talk my husband into that. "Are you ready?" So I texted my husband and told him I felt like God was asking more of us than what we already gave, and I asked him to pray about it. Back and forth we texted, him thinking logicially through the ramifications of giving the amount I'd passed along to him. What if that money wasn't replenished by the time we needed it for the house? We'd have to back out, he said. Well, then maybe a lower amount. Back and forth...back and forth. Finally we agreed to be obedient. As tears threatened to overtake me, I filled out our offering envelope with the new amount, which, added to the check given the night before, was more than we'd ever given. He continued to ask "Are you ready?" My answer began to change. I don't know. This is too hard. What if You don't come through for us? What if we lose this house because this money is gone? "Are you ready?" I turned that envelope in.

Maybe I don't know what this year has in store. Maybe this year will not be a year of dream fulfillment...maybe this will be a year of tearing down and building up. I do know one thing. I'm ready. I'm EXPECTING a miracle. And I'm terrified.

Family

2011-04-11T19:56:00.000-07:00

I just spent a wonderful weekend up in Washington visiting with family. It was a nice little getaway, just me, no husband. Every time I'm up there to visit, I find myself reflecting and going a little deeper with myself.

One of my reflections this weekend was the term "family". I have a great family. My parents are divorced and both remarried, so I have 4 families, and they're all wonderful. I'm still getting to know my husband's family, and I met some more cousins this weekend, without the awkwardness that often comes with meeting members of your significant other's family. I also realized the value of a church family, and that you can have an extended church family, that you maybe see only 1-2 times a year (like cousins that live far away). SS4 is becoming my extended church family. I feel so welcome and comfortable when I visit, and it's a welcome and comfort that goes beyond being polite when a visitor comes into the house. It's hearing your name called from across the room because someone has just noticed you're there. It's hugs and how are you's from some amazing girls when they walk by. It's seeing a family walk through something tough. It's knowing the answer to the questions of a new-comer to youth group, and knowing where to direct him for the details. It's entering into worship in a way that I don't typically anywhere else. It's family.

This was one of those weekends where it was easy to see His love gifts to me.
-An easy flight (and uncrowded airport) from Sacramento to Seattle

-Treating Joce to Starbucks for picking me up so early

-Hanging out with Emma at Dr. Mommy's office

-Getting to help a friend with a project

-Baby shower and family time

-Watching Tangled with Emma

-Starbucks before church because Joce took extra care to be ready on time

-Extended church family

-Hearing my cousin preach an amazing sermon that hit my heart

-Pizza and laughs with friends for lunch

-Late nights with cousins

-Cuddle time with Emma

-An easy trip home from Seattle to Sacramento

-Looking forward to my husband getting home so I can see him

Awake my soul, oh Lord, that I may hear You. You've called me into Your family, and I'm just beginning to see how amazing that family is.

Just Like You

2011-03-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

You stand beside me just waiting while I try to go it alone
Smiling You say son come here won't you let me just help you
But frustrated I try to make it cause I've just got something to prove
Not knowing it is my weakness that perfects your power

He knows my strengths. He knows my weaknesses.
Where I am weak, He is strong.
Where I am strong, He is stronger.
When I allow myself to function in my weakness, I allow His light to shine.
When I stop pretending I can do it alone, He can be seen.
When I realize I have nothing to prove, He reminds me that He has chosen me as His own.
When I accept His help in battle, He celebrates my victory.

You promised to never forsake me
So I'll risk it all if you'll make me like You

Immovable

2011-03-10T18:58:00.000-08:00

IMMOVABLE: incapable of being moved; not moving or not intended to be moved
I find myself immovable. In my health, in my relationships, in my spiritual walk. Immovable. Incapable...unwilling...to be moved. Not moving. Stuck. And I get discouraged.

I see those around me moving. Moving forward. Moving toward a goal. Moving together. Moving.

Here I sit, immovable. I'm not happy where I am. I'd venture to say I'm barely even content. I see those around me moving, and I find myself dissatisfied.

I see those around me moving. Some are moving through a good season - marriage, babies, new jobs, new houses. Some are moving through a rough season. At least they're moving.

It is in reading another blog post from someone I love and respect that it dawns on me. I was designed to be IMMOVABLE - steadfast, unyielding. She has described me as immovable. I feel it in my core. So why do I not walk in it? Why do I not choose to be unyielding when it comes to my life? Why can I not move myself?

"On that day, when all the nations of the earth are gathered against her, I will make Jerusalem an immovable rock for all the nations. All who try to move it will injure themselves."

-Zechariah 12:3-

Someone once said to me you're either moving into, through, or out of a trial. I'm not moving at all. I may be in a trial right now, but I'm certainly not moving through it or out of it. If I choose to become immovable as I'm designed to be, will this move me out of my trial, and into His plans for me? Is my life not progressing how I picured because I'm standing still?

Gifts of Love

2011-03-02T18:45:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling challenged lately. Challenged by a couple AMAZING blogs. Challenged to look at everything in my life is a gift of love from the God of the Universe...to me. As they list their own gifts of love, I find myself wishing I was able to see my world that way. Able to see that everything in my life is a gift. Big or small, significant or unimportant. As I try to begin seeing my world this way, I hope it will open me up to accepting the bigger gifts He has for my life. And so I challenge myself to also list the gifts of love the God of this Universe has given me. They are tailor-made for me to appreciate.

Gifts of Love
-A perfectly made Caramel White Mocha Frappuccino from Starbucks
-Baristas who know my name and my drink, and who always greet me with a smile
-Beautiful pictures taken by a beautiful friend
-Words that touch my heart
-A project given to me at work, knowing it will be done well
-My laptop not being broken!
-Leftovers so I don't have to cook dinner
-Chipotle for lunch
-A good book
-An A on a test
-A treat from a friend
-TV shows I love
-My husband making it home safely after the car he was driving broke down

Today. I searched my today, and this is what I found.

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane,
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of
His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves.

We are His portion and
He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption
by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a unforeseen kiss and my heart turns
violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
OH, how He loves

He loves me.

Tragedy

2011-03-01T18:00:00.000-08:00

"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." ~Psalm 119:50~

Tragedy. We have all experienced tragedy in some form, from the death of a pet, to a devastating car accident, to the loss of a child. They say practice makes perfect...and yet, grieving seems to fall outside this. No matter how many times I experience a loss, or someone I love dearly experiences a loss, I get no better at grieving. I get no better at comforting those I love.

I'm an empathetic person. I strongly feel the emotions of those around me, particularly when they're hurting. I cry as soon as someone I love sheds a tear. I never know what to say to someone going through something difficult. I don't want to say something cliche, or corny, or too impersonal. It's a balancing act, and I tend to be a little clumsy.

Everything happens for a reason. God has a purpose for everything. He works all things for our good. I believe these things. But tragedy is still painful. How do we balance grieving with trusting? In every battle, there is a victory…in every battle there are casualties - that victory comes at a price. Sometimes the cost is obviously well worth paying. Other times it's less obvious. Those are the moments it's hardest to trust.

"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life."
Will I choose to trust that His promises are true, that He is my comforter, that He will never give me more than I can handle? At the end of every battle is a victory. I choose to claim the victory and not let tragedy steal His promises for me.

Shine

2011-02-27T12:05:00.000-08:00

We were all created to be reflectors of God's light. We all shine in different ways. Some are lighthouses, warning people of danger and showing them the right way to go. Some are street lamps, leading people brought in by the lighthouses down the right path. Some are decorative lights, showing others the beauty of God. Some are work lights, showing God to others in their every day life. And some are candles, reveling in the intimate times with God.

"You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light so shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven."

~Matthew 5:14-16~

We were all created to be a light on a stand. I don't know what kind of light I was created to be. I know I'm not a lighthouse, but that's about all I do know. How am I supposed to shine if I don't know what kind of light I am?

A friend of mine, who I also work with, told me after church today that she thinks I'm good at shining at work. I don't see that. I disagreed with her. She said I make her better at work. Maybe I'm a work light.

My favorite part of service is worship. I love the power of words to bring a picture to life. The emotions evoked when the words of a song hit that part of your heart that needs to hear it. Maybe I'm a decorative light.

Whatever kind of light, I need to learn to shine.

Prodigal

2011-02-26T10:50:00.000-08:00

"I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice."

~Ezekiel 34: 16~

The prodigal son physically walked away from his father and walked his own path. I feel a bit like a prodigal, without having physically walked away. Emotionally, spiritually, I've drifted. I'm a stray, and I hear the shepherd calling me home. Will I listen? I'm not sure I know how to answer the call. I know I'm weak, but I push away His offer to strengthen me. When my world feels like it's crashing in around me, I stand and watch.

I've never been one to be without close friends. Until now. And that's my fault. Somewhere along the way, I've abandoned myself, and allowed myself to become isolated. I don't have that one person I know I can call any time and talk about anything. I used to have that. I want to have that. I used to be excited about life, and now I walk through life like a zombie. I don't let anyone in, but I desire to be known and to know others. I don't stop to ask questions or listen...I only talk.

I hear the shepherd calling me home. Will I listen?

Hello 2011!

2011-01-03T15:11:00.000-08:00

2010 sure did fly by. While everyone around me kept asking, in disbelief, "Can you believe 2010 is already over?", for once, I wasn't sad to see the year end. It wasn't a bad year, there just wasn't anything extraordinary about it. I'm hoping 2011 has more in store for me than just the passing of 12 months, 4 seasons, and another birthday.

I turned 25 in 2010...I guess that's big. I feel like I'm officially an adult. I mean, I haven't felt like a kid in a while - always being the youngest in class made for accelerated growing up. 25 held the last thing to look forward to - being able to rent a car without having to pay an extra fee...I know, not that exciting. Which is partially my point. All the milestones we look forward to growing up have passed me by - becoming a teenager, turning 16 and getting your license, graduating, turning 18 and getting to vote, turning 21 and getting to drink...they're all gone. The excitement that comes with each birthday and each passing year has faded. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy my birthday. A day all about me, presents included, cannot be a bad day. There just isn't any magic left.

I feel like I've reached a stalemate in my life. No house, no pets, no kids...same apartment for the last almost 4 years, same job for the last 6 years, same routine...nothing new under the sun. My life isn't bad, just fairly uneventful. I want an adventure, something exciting to spice things up a bit. Hopefully 2011 holds that adventure for me.

I call this meeting to order!

2010-07-07T12:00:00.000-07:00

We had our monthly Budget Committee Meeting on Monday evening. Fewer arguments than I expected. More confusion than I expected...mostly on my part.

We were able to agree on a budget, although I know it will need to be tweaked a little each month. I found that we have a lot more money to put towards paying off our debt than I expected. Color me (pleasantly) surprised. I also found that we have more debt than I previously thought, but I think we're still at a relatively low debt level, compared to most people our age.

There's still a long road ahead of us, and in between paychecks, it feels like we're not doing anything. I know there's not much we can do in that time, but I still feel like I should be doing something.

I'm actually looking forward to sitting down at the end of the month and seeing how much we actually spent in each of our budgeted categories (hopefully those numbers will all be lower than what we budgeted!), editing our list of debts to show lower balances on all of them, and getting ready for our August budget. It's all about baby steps, and this baby is learning how to walk!

Darkness Trembles

2010-07-06T12:08:00.000-07:00

TREMBLE - to shake involuntarily (as with fear or cold); to move, sound, pass, or come to pass as if shaken or tremulous; to be affected with great fear or anxiety.

Sunday morning Ryan, our Director of Youth Ministries at church, spoke in the main service. His sermon was titled "Darkness Trembles." Ryan doesn't speak often - 1-2 times per year - in the main service, but every time he does, I feel like I want more. In a good way. I walk away feeling like I understand a little better, like I get it a little better. He challenges me, and reminds me why I believe what I believe.

We've been in a series on Spiritual Warfare - understanding your enemy, fighting the right fight, having the heart of a warrior. This week, Ryan talked about what makes the darkness, the enemy, tremble. Tremble - to be affected with great fear or anxiety. We have the ability to make our enemy tremble with FEAR.

The enemy is not afraid of us. He's afraid of what he knows we're destined to be. He's afraid of our potential. He's afraid of followers, not of believers. He's content with the American church today - a church of ME; a church of people who say they believe, but aren't necessarily walking that out.

The American church today is full of lukewarm Christians. A lukewarm Christian is not an effective warrior in the battle for the Kingdom. And we ARE in a battle. We are fighting for our lives, and often we're fighting the wrong enemy. We're so focused on us that we're not tuned into what God has for us; we're not listening to Him - we're fighting with everyone around us and we're ignoring the screams from God telling us "NO! That's not who I've created you to battle! Your neighbor is NOT trying to rip your soul from the pages of Heaven's Book!" We keep fighting those around us, and never really get around to fighting our true enemy.

Our Pastor always says he's read the end of the book and WE WIN. It's good to know we win the war. But when does that victory happen? Is it going to happen in my lifetime? In the lifetime of my children...my grandchildren? I can't count on that. I have to figure out a way to win the battles happening in my life right now. To be able to teach my children how to fight their battles, so they can teach their children. Lukewarm Christianity is a VICTORY for the enemy. A victory for the enemy is a loss for me. That doesn't sit well with me.

I know I spend most of time fighting with everyone but who I should be fighting with - myself included! I say I believe, and I try to walk in it...but do I really? How much time do I spend in the Word? How much time do I spend talking to God? How much time do I spend listening? My armor is weak, and my weapons poorly cared for. If I have any hope of winning this battle, I need to start training right now.

I desire to be a person who succeeds at making the darkness tremble.

Money Talks

2010-07-02T17:12:00.001-07:00

We've never truly struggled financially since we got married. Granted, we've only been married for 3 years and 2 months...but my point still stands. We make a decent amount of money. We don't have extravagant bills. We don't pay much in rent. My husband does well at budgeting our money. But it always seems like we're stuck. We can't get out of our apartment because we can't afford to. We can't pay off our debt because all our money is spoken for. Where does our money go? I couldn't tell you! Finally, I got tired and I convinced my husband to try something different. Our church recently offered a course on Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. He teaches you how to budget better, how to pay off your debt, and how to stay out of debt. My parents attended, and I've gotten to hear their success stories from it. So, I convinced my husband to go over to my parents house with me each week, watch the videos, and give it a try.

We're on week 2, and this weekend we get to sit down and have our Budget Committee Meeting, where he (the nerd) and I (the free spirit) have to agree on where every penny of our July money is going to go. Looking back over our marriage, we've had relatively few fights about money. Looking ahead toward this weekend's Budget Committee Meeting, I realize it's because I have no idea what's going on with our money. The paychecks are deposited, the bills are paid, the budget filled out...all by my husband. I take my share of the fun money and go shopping. Sure, I inquire every now and then about where the money goes, but I'm relatively easy to derail, so we're usually off-topic within a few minutes. On the way home from watching the first video...we get in a fight. This is going to be a L-O-N-G road!

So, our budget meeting is looming out ahead of me this weekend, I'm off work early today, and I decide to go shopping. I pass by Ann Taylor Loft on my way to Starbucks every morning and I keep seeing the SALE sign in the window. So, today I stop in. I try some things on, look at the pricetags, tell myself I don't really have the money for that...then I tell myself that after this weekend's budget meeting I REALLY won't have the money for that...and then I grab some more stuff to try on. In the dressing room, I'm switching between shirts, and I keep fighting with myself.

"You don't have the money for this. Take it off, hang it up, walk out of the store."
"But I need it! I don't have enough summer clothes, and I need more clothes for work,"
"You have an entire wardrobe for summer and plenty of work clothes."
"I deserve this shopping trip! I work hard for my money, I know I'm going to be getting a bonus on the next paycheck, and in the grand scheme of things, $40 isn't that much to spend."
"You don't have $40 to spend. And you don't deserve this! Take off the shirt. Take a breath. Suck it up, leave the store, go home."
"You know, Old Navy is around the corner and I have a $10 off card..."
"GO HOME!"

Ultimately, I lost and went home. (I realize some would see this as a win, but those shirts were really cute!) On my short trip home (Did I mention I live 2 minutes from the mall? Seriously.) I wondered where that other voice came from. The one trying to convince me that I didn't deserve those shirts. I know it's not my voice. I don't often try to talk myself out of buying something cute. Then I remembered last night's Dave Ramsey video - "You don't deserve it." Now, it's not that you don't deserve it. I see it more as him telling me that you deserve more to not be in debt. To be financially stable, with no worries. I see it more as I deserve to one day get out of this apartment and into a beautiful house I can make a home.

So, I sit here looking ahead to the hard work before us. To this monthly budget meeting that will ultimately lead to monthly arguments. To the headaches that will arise from watching where every penny goes and realizing that I need to rearrange where a lot of those pennies are going.

Way far in the distance I see a day when I ask for a new couch...and we buy one...with cash...and put it in the home we own...the home we own because we did the work, argued at the meetings, popped some aspirin for the headaches, and moved those pennies to better resting places. I really want that couch and that home, so I guess I'll SUCK IT UP and watch my pennies pay off my debt, so one day I won't have any debt to pay off.

2 Months Later...

2010-04-08T22:27:00.000-07:00

It's been 2 months. I haven't had anything to write about. Nothing exciting. Nothing upsetting. Nothing frustrating, beyond the normal daily annoyances. Just life. Well, it's still just life. I'm going to get a little more "religiony" this post, so you can stop here if you're not interested. I promise, it won't hurt my feelings. But, if you continue on and trudge through...maybe you'll get something beneficial, too.

At our church, and many other Foursquare churches, our normal daily devotionals are what we call LIFE Journals. We've got a daily reading plan to read through the Bible in a year - Old Testament & New Testament readings each day - and then you journal it. When our church started doing them, we learned S.O.A.P. - Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer - as an easy way to journal, and it seems to work. So, here's today's journal.

(Here's where you might want to pull a U-turn if you get a little squeamish or antsy when people start talking about God...just letting you know.)

PART 1
(Scripture) "Then Samuel said, 'Speak, for your servant is listening.' " ~1 Samuel 3: 10~

(Observation) Samuel did not yet know the Lord, but when his mentor told him to say this, he said it, I believe, with an open mind and open heart. And his life was forever changed.

(Application) The first step into a life changed by and led by God is to answer, "Speak, for your servant is listening." when God comes to call. This isn't a one-time response, though. You have to make the decision to answer this way every time He calls.

(Prayer) God, your servant is listening. I want to hear what You have to say to me. I want to know You and to know Your plans for me. Help me to remember to choose this response when You call to me. Thank You for giving me the choice, even though I don't always make the right one.

PART 2
(Scripture) "I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted...I thought about the former days, the years of long ago..." ~Psalm 77: 1-2, 5~

(Observation) There is a connection between thinking about the "former days" and having a soul that refuses to be comforted.

(Application) I have a tendency to dwell on the past, both good and bad. I think about the past, and it unsettles my soul. I start to feel like the Lord has left me, like He won't show favor in my life. My focus should instead be on thanking Him and praising Him for all He has done in my life.

(Prayer) God, thank You! Thank You that my past is my past, and my future lies before me. While not everything in my past is positive, I can see that there is good in all of it. Help me to remember this and to not question Your unfailing love and the favor and blessing You so want to lavish upon Your daughter.

Perfect Timing

2010-02-05T16:33:00.001-08:00

I want a baby. That's no secret to those close to me. Heck, it's probably not even a secret to those who barely know me. Ever since I was little, all I could think about was the day I'd be a mom. The day I'd have the cutest little baby to hold and coo and love. The day I'd take my son to kindergarten for the first day of school. The arguments between siblings I'd have to break up. I know that I was created to be a mom.

That ticking biological clock was always pretty quiet - I was too young, I wasn't married, not time to have a baby. Now I've been married for almost 3 years. I'm 24, a great age to have kids. And that clock is ticking loud. All my friends are having kids. I've watched most of them go through baby #1, and now they're moving on to baby #2. And here I sit, still waiting for baby #1.

I've always been nothing but excited when I find out a friend is pregnant. The joy of getting to walk through that phase of life with them. The excitement of seeing a new little person born into this world. The blessing of getting to learn from their parenting styles. But lately it's been harder and harder to suppress that little voice that says "When is it your turn?" Lately it's been a screaming, subconscious reminder that I'm running out of time and I might be left out.

Every year, our church asks God for a word for the church that year. As a congregation, we're also encouraged to ask for a personal word from God for ourselves. My word for this year is Believe. I usually start asking for a word in November so I can start the year off with a purpose. This year, my word came in the middle of the first sermon of the year. Aaron said something and the one word that stuck out to me was "Believe". I knew that was my word for this year. I promise there's a tie-in :)

As I said, it's been getting harder and harder to drown out that screaming annoyance that must be my biological clock. I feel myself having to try harder to relay my excitement when I hear about a new baby on the way. With every new baby announcement, the screaming gets louder, threatening to jump out of me instead of excitement.

I know I was created to be a mom. I know that this is a promise and a desire of my heart that God has given me. I've recently (like in the last few days) come to realize that the screaming isn't my biological clock. It's the enemy of soul trying to dissuade me from believing God's promises to me. I heard a song on the radio the other day and a couple lines stuck out to me
"There is no doubt in my mind
That in Your perfect time
Your plans and Your ways will unfold."

God always keeps his promises. They will always come to pass, in His perfect timing. I know I will have a beautiful little baby to hold in my arms and love, in the perfect timing of God. The waiting is the hardest part...

The answer is no...

2009-12-17T16:50:00.000-08:00

...or not yet, anyway. The question? Can I live everyday as joy-filled as I lived my birthday? No, not yet.

My birthday was Tuesday, and it was a great day. I asked myself at the end of the day if everyday could be like that.

And the answer is no. Yesterday, I just plain forgot. I just went through my day as it was.

Today, I woke up, thought about it...and decided it was just too hard.

One day I'll get there. It will take baby steps. It will take determination. It will take a lot of biting my tongue.

For now, I'll just savor the little moments of joy that make their way naturally into my days. Maybe I'll even figure out how to stretch them into big moments.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

2009-12-15T20:29:00.000-08:00

Today is (was) my birthday.

In my office, we're big on birthdays. We like to decorate desks, and have everyone sign cards, and have cake. In light of recent "events" (namely, just feeling left out), I wasn't expecting any of this. I woke up this morning, ecstatic about my birthday, and decided that I would have a fabulous day, regardless of whether or not ANYONE recognized my birthday.

And I did.

I sang myself a birthday song in the car on the way to work.

I was extra chipper while handing out paychecks. When asked why the extra chipperness (I'm SOOOOO not a morning person - people usually don't even get a "hello" from me until at least 10:30), I explained that it's my birthday. This was generally followed by a "Happy Birthday!".

No decorations at my desk, no secret card, no cake. This was all fine. I did get birthday balloons, which I appreciated, because I never get birthday balloons...and I love balloons.

I had a fantastic day. I received many many birthday wishes and Happy Birthdays, in the office and on Facebook, and it was a great day.

Good dinner, some shopping, new I-pod...good day.

Maybe I've turned a corner in my life. Maybe I really can make my day be what I want it to be. Maybe my days always seem lonely and quiet because I make them lonely and quiet. We'll see how tomorrow goes. Can I really wake up every day choosing to be truly joy-filled and enthusiastic for living my life that day? Stay tuned to find out!

Team Jacob!...Almost

2009-12-09T16:56:00.000-08:00

Husband and I went to see New Moon last night and it was wonderful! Since we went on a Tuesday night, we were in there with only 6 other people. Out of the 8 of us, only 2 were men - Husband and another young gentleman there with his girlfriend.

I knew the movie would be better than Twilight - bigger budget, higher expectations from the fans/critics, deeper storyline to portray on-screen. I also knew they'd have to twist a few things from the book, for the sake of time. I'm okay with that when turning books into movies. I was prepared to be mildly disappointed.

I WASN'T! I know a lot of people have their issues with the movie, but I loved it!

I've been on Team Edward from the beginning. I wasn't a big fan of Jacob in the books, but I have to say Taylor Lautner's performance almost swayed me to Team Jacob. When he was pleading with Bella not to go save Edward from the Volturi, I really wanted her to stay with him. Now, I know it's all for the best if she stays with Edward, and I'm really fond of him. But...I think I'd like a special feature on the DVD set where she ends up with Jacob instead and they live happily ever after.

I'm really looking forward to the "friendly" banter between wolf and vampire in Eclipse. The cherry on top - I only have to wait 6 months! Woo hoo!

Bite-Sized Morsels

2009-11-23T21:33:00.000-08:00

Today I made an important discovery. Well, re-discovery. M&M's are my favorite candy.

This may not seem important to you, but it was a big deal for me. To actually commit to having a favorite, when I can't even stick to one decision about where to eat for lunch? Unheard of!

I've always loved M&M's. When I was little, I remember knowing they were my favorite. But I don't think I had too much experience with other types of candies.

Today at work, I wanted a snack before lunch to keep up my energy. So, I grabbed my change and headed for the vending machine. I put in my money, turned the knob (it's an older machine...not electric and fancy)...and my chips stayed where they were. I started shaking the machine, pounding on the front to get them to fall, but they just wouldn't move. I did hear something fall, so I checked, and there was a bag of peanut M&M's. I gladly accepted them as a peace offering from the machine...after I shook it a bit more.

I returned to my desk and begrudgingly opened the little yellow bag. I was disappointed that the chips I had so desired would not be gracing my tummy, but decided this was better than nothing. The first M&M to venture out of the bag was red.

Let me take a minute to share a happy little quirk I have. All M&M's do NOT taste the same to me. I'm not talking the difference between plain & peanut butter, peanut & almond. I'm talking colors. Brown does not taste the same as red. You can not sway me from this belief, so don't try to convince me that there's no difference.

The red M&M was a promising sign. Maybe this snack wouldn't be so bad after all. As I popped the tasty treat in my mouth, I remembered how much I love M&M's. As I finished the bag, I was sad to see that last little candy-covered morsel go. Then I remembered that I had waiting for me at home a 42 oz bag of M&M's. Oh happy day!

I got home, and eventually made my way to the M&M bag. I opened it up...and there were a million little M&M's just waiting for me to choose them. I chose carefully - green first, 2-at-a-time (another little quirk of mine) and enjoyed a yummy pre-dinner snack.

Baked Lay's, vending machine...we've met, we've battled, and you thought you won. But I have news for you. Next time, I'll be bringing my 3 quarters to the table and CHOOSING the peanut M&M's. We'll see what you have to say about that!

Is it okay to feel like this?

2009-11-09T12:50:00.000-08:00

I feel like a 7th grade girl right now. And I'm not sure if that's okay, at 23 (almost 24) years old. I recently wrote about feeling disconnected, especially at work. I've tried to reconnect, and it doesn't seem to be working. I feel like I'm being pushed farther and farther into my little cave I call a cubicle, and farther away from people, disconnecting me even more. There are a few specific people who have contributed to this, knowingly or not, and this is where I begin to feel like a 7th grader - like I've been pushed out of my group of friends, and have nowhere else to run to.

I'm an adult. I have friends. I shouldn't need to be accepted and liked by people...but feeling like I'm not just makes me want to curl up and eat a pint of rocky road ice cream.

(Who am I kidding...I'd just eat a big bag of Doritos. I don't eat much ice cream.)

The point is...Is it okay for me to feel like this at 23? Shouldn't I be able to just accept that things have changed, and in what feels like the blink of an eye, I'm not who I used to be in this group?

Yes, I should be able to accept that, but I just can't. I want to make it all better and back to how it used to be. I can't ask why this happened, why I was all of a sudden excluded from everything, because it would sound petty and immature.

So what do I do? I guess I just head back to my cave and keep working and wait for the day when things change again.

Disengaged

2009-09-29T10:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life you wake up and realize that things are not as they were. Today is that day. Okay, maybe not today exactly. I think I woke up a couple weeks ago and realized it, but I felt it today.

For most of us, there is a period in our life when we are involved. Really involved. We're engaged in life, we know what's going on in everyone's lives, we know what questions to ask to find out what we don't know, and life seems good.

Then we wake up and it's like we're in a whole other world. We don't know anything anymore. No one tells us when there is exciting news. We don't know what's going on in anyone's lives, and don't have the slightest clue as to where to start asking.

It's a lonely feeling. How do we get back to that engaged life we were leading just yesterday? What happened to it? Was it my fault? I think it was my fault. I can't pinpoint exactly what happened or exactly what I did/didn't do...but I'm pretty sure I'm the one who disengaged, however unintentional that disengagement was. I don't think life decided it was going to walk away from me, although it might be easier to get life to come back to me than for me to claw my way back into life. Especially since I have NO IDEA where to start. I don't want to seem pushy, so I can't just start asking people all sorts of questions about what's going on in their lives. I've never really been that person, anyway. I'm more of a stand back and listen, and interject a question every now and then kind of person.

Any thoughts on how to re-engage with life?

New Phase in Life

2009-09-27T21:58:00.000-07:00

I went to a 1st birthday party for a friend's little girl yesterday. The group of people at the party was pretty much the same group that's been showing up for parties and gatherings for the last few years...with a few small exceptions. And those small exceptions are babies. We had all these little ones running around, and there are more on the way, and it was the first time it really hit me that we're in a whole new stage in our lives. When everyone got married, it took a little time to adjust to everyone being married, but it didn't feel that much different than before - there were just fewer last names to remember. Now, it's completely different. There are new people in our group - these tiny, adorable little people. Parties will never be the same again.

And I love that! It can be a little disheartening when everyone around me is having a baby, and I'm not, but I just have to keep reminding myself that all that means is right now, I can devote my full baby attention to all these other little ones running around, and get some good practice out of it. I love watching them grow up, I love watching them really start to know and remember who people outside their family are. I love watching them throw their temper tantrums, and say cute things, and do even cuter things. I love hearing them laugh that true hearty kid laugh that only a little kid can do.

I can't wait to have my own kids thrown into the mix. I know it will happen one day, and instead of being sad that all these kids will be grown up (okay, not grown up, but older) by the time I have mine, I've decided to choose to think that they will be older and will be able to play with my babies and be the older friends and mentors to my babies. I have those people in my life, who are a few years older than me, and I so want that for my kids, too. So now is the time to enjoy this new phase in the life of our group, get used to it before it becomes a new phase in my own life, and enjoy playing with all these cute babies!

I don't know if I'm ready for this...

2009-09-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

Starting a new business is hard. Well, okay, I wouldn't actually know because I'm not really starting a new business...I'm just trying to sell some scarves. But still.

I learned to crochet when I was little. All I could do was chain. My mom never taught me how to turn or actually make anything. I remember I used to chain for hours. I would just chain and chain and chain and end up with this massive length of yarn contorted into almost-knots, and marvel at how that, in the right hands, could become a blanket. Then I would take it all apart, roll the yarn back into a neat little ball...and start all over again.

Fast forward to a few years ago, when a lady I worked with could be found at lunch every day crocheting. I meandered over there one day, saw her working on something, and got interested. I went out, bought some yarn and a set of crochet hooks, and sat down to be taught. I learned a couple basic stitches, how to turn, and made a few scarves. Then I stopped.

Fast forward again to 2 years ago and I found another girl at work who crocheted at lunch, and she taught me some more stitches, and I started making blankets and learning how to read patterns and venturing out of my comfy box. I began making baby blankets for my friends when they had babies.

Recently I opened an online store at Etsy.com and decided to try to sell my scarves on there. It's been open for about 6 weeks now, and I haven't sold anything. I realize these things take time, and I'm fully aware that it's unrealistic to expect to have begun making sales yet. Here's the thing...I'm impatient. I'm not good at waiting for most things. There are some things I can wait for...but most of the time, I stink at waiting.

I have about 7 items up in my store right now, and I feel like I need to make more and that might attract people to buy, and I need to stock up for Christmas shoppers. But I don't want to end up with an apartment full of scarves with nowhere to go. There's a fine line between enough and too much, and I need to find it.

Husband offered to buy my scarves. This might sound sweet, but I didn't think so. Why? His plan was to buy them and send them to random addresses so I thought people were buying them. I told him I appreciated the thought, but it would just make me sad when I didn't get any more sales.

It's time to learn patience, and to remember that I crochet because I enjoy it. If I make any money from it, that's just a bonus.

I've never read that book before

2009-09-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

Thursday night's super-anticipated (by me, anyway) premiere night did not disappoint! As promised, here is a full rundown of my thoughts on the shows.

Survivor: Samoa
I was hesitant to believe the claims that the Samoan paradise housing this year's 20 castaways would also house the most villainy Survivor villain yet. Johnny Fairplay holds that place in my heart...until now. I honestly think they might have found someone worse! Foa-Foa's Russell-the-oil-company-owner is a jerk! He admittedly doesn't need the money, and just came on to play the game and play it nasty. Case-in-point: he burned someone's socks and emptied the canteens! And that was just the first night! Unfortunately, his evil plan to get Marisa voted off worked, so that should inflate his head a few sizes for next week. This may have been one of my favorite immunity challenges in a while, not because of the challenge itself, but because of what was said before it started.

Mick: I've never read that book before...Things Losers Say.
Eric: Jeff, can we just start this? I'm ready to open some cans of whoop a$$!

There is a bona fide ROCKET SCIENTIST on the Galu tribe! Not the best swimmer, apparently, but intelligent. I hope his team figures out his strong points and starts putting him on the puzzles. Of course, he may end up just talking his way through them and never actually acting on them.

Bones
They're baaack! Booth & Bones are back together. Cyndi Lauper plays a psychic with a dead twin sister, whose tarot card readings show that Booth & Bones love each other! Well, who didn't know that already!? Apparently they didn't. Poor Booth is doubting his love for Bones because everyone else keeps telling him that it's just because of his brain surgery. Just let them love each other already! Okay, I know it might screw up the dynamic of the show, but I'm not one to think that far ahead.

Fringe
Walter said one of the funniest lines I've heard for a while, and Peter's reaction looked so genuine it just made it that much better!

Walter: I can't wait for her to taste my pudding.
Peter: Well that's disturbing.

Peter was much more aggressive and assertive this episode than I think I've seen him before...and I liked it! I hope we get more of that, and less of the drama with him & Olivia's sister. Okay, so there's no drama, but I don't want them to get together.

Creepy shape-shifters are among us! Charlie is dead, and some crazy person is now walking around with his body on! That's no good. I think this season will be amazing, especially now that they know they have a loyal audience.

The Vampire Diaries
Stefan & Elena kissed! It felt like I've been waiting forever for that to happen...then I realized this was only episode #2. But it was still really exciting. The previews for next week look really good, so I'm excited about that. All I have to say about this show is: AMAZING. No need to break it down any further.

So, that's my rundown. Next week it's back to boring hum-drum rundowns of my life. I might throw in a House & Heroes chat, too, though. :)

My favorite time of the year...almost

2009-09-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite time of year. Okay, not my #1 favorite - I still reserve that spot for the Christmas season.

(Which in my world will be starting any day now...)

But this is definitely #2. This is the time of year when my favorite alternate worlds start trickling back into existence. It's the start of the FALL TV SEASON! (Dramatic pause for a moment of utterly-excited jumping up and down) Some of my shows have started up already - One Tree Hill, Glee, 90210 to name a few - but my favorites are still to come.

Tonight, in particular, is going to be the best premiere night of the season. It's a risky claim to make, but I'm willing to put it out there. The BEST premiere night ever, tonight. Survivor: Samoa, Bones, and Fringe are all premiering tonight, and Vampire Diaries is back for week 2.

(Commence jumping...NOW!)

Survivor: Samoa is claiming to have the worst Survivor villain ever. Ever! That's a HUGE statement considering some of the villains in their repertoire. (Johnny Fairplay anyone?) I can't wait for the scenery of Samoa, this supposedly uber-evil villain, and the ever-present craziness that accompanies Survivor. Don't disappoint me, Jeff Probst!

Bones ended last season with Booth in the hospital. Will the dynamic between Booth & Bones change this season? Who knows! I'm looking forward to more awkwardness between Angela & Hodgins & hoping they get back together.

Fringe ended with the bombshell that Peter is not really Peter! Well, he is, he's just alternate universe Peter, because our-world Peter died when he was young and Walter traded for the alive Peter. Leonard Nimoy will be making more appearances this season, and I'm looking forward to that.

Vampire Diaries didn't disapppoint me last week. In all fairness, I wasn't planning on watching the show, but I did...and I love it! Teen angst & vampire hotness never gets old.

Be prepared for a complete rundown on all 4 shows tomorrow...hope you're in a TV mood!

Rejuvenated

2009-09-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

I just returned from a week-long trip to Indiana to visit the fam. It was a good trip, and I had some good realizations this week. First, let me start with a run-down of the trip.

Arrived in Indianapolis late Sunday afternoon. Monday we had a bunch of family over for Thanksgiving-in-September. It was nice to visit with everyone, and it was nice to get my traditional Thanksgiving dinner...even if it was 2 months early. Tuesday mom and I just hung out at home. Wednesday I had a great visit with my bestest Brad. We shopped, we talked, we had a blast. I met Lucy the Cat, and I think we got along rather well. Thursday evening I hung out with my friend Jenni, her husband Tony & their 2 youngest kids. It was nice to reconnect with Jenni, and I had fun talking to Tony, too. Friday mom, Jenni & I went to lunch and a movie (we saw Julie & Julia) and we had fun. Saturday I spent the night at my aunt & uncle's house, and spent some quality time with the cousins. Sunday morning was church, then back to my aunt's house, a quick visit with another cousin who came over, and back to mom's house. Monday it was time to leave. After a long flight, I finally made it back home to Husband.

Since I moved out here in June 2003, I've struggled to live in California while feeling like my heart and my home were in Indiana. Even after getting married a little over 2 years ago I still couldn't let go of that. I'm ready to release it now. This trip was good, and I got to see & talk to a lot of people I miss, but there was a huge longing in my heart the whole week. A longing to get back home.

I posted recently about feeling like there was a disconnect between me & my friends. I have friends in Indiana who know the me I was in high school, and know a little of the me I am now. I have friends in California who know the me I am now, and see the me I'm becoming, but they don't know the me I used to be. I've felt like I can't connect to my "California friends" because they don't know that past part of me. I don't feel that disconnect anymore. My friends all know me, no matter where they live, and they all know different parts of me. And that's okay. The disconnect in my friendships in California isn't because they didn't know me in high school...it's because I haven't made enough of an effort to get as close to anyone here as I was in high school. I've known most of my friends out here for 5+ years, which is as long, maybe longer, than I knew my high school friends in high school. I made an effort then, and I don't now. That's going to change. I'm committed to making my friendships more real, more meaningful, and more permanent than I've allowed them to be up to now.

I guess Robin was right...I've always been a California girl. I just lived somewhere else for a little while.

Bing!

2009-08-27T19:28:00.001-07:00

Have you seen those commercials for Bing, the new search engine? You know the ones, where 2 people are doing something and one person asks the other a question or makes a statement, and the other person grabs one word from it and babbles on in 800 different directions. A product of search overload according to them. ("We have to find a new place for breakfast." "The Breakfast Club, a 1986 cult classic starring members of the Brat Pack." - That's my favorite.) So anyway, today I was walking down the hallway ar work. I had just left our processing department, and I passed someone's desk and saw one of our assistants, Kat, standing there. I thought about how I like the color of her shirt and went on my way. I passed her desk, and noticed a sticky note on top of her bookshelf that just had scribbles on it. I thought "I should leave a note that just says 'Hi Kat.' and nothing else." THen I thought about the movie 10 Things I Hate About You, when Kat goes to the counselor's office, and the counselor is drinking coffee from a cup with a cat on it. She says something like "Kat...(looks at cup & points to it)...cat. Meow." I got to the lobby and realized that I had just had a Bing moment...by myself. Now, most people would keep this to themselves, because it has the potential to make people think you're a little crazy. I, however, am almost entirely unable to keep semi-embarassing moments like this to myself.

As the rest of the day progressed and I thought about how funny it was to me that this incident had happened, I started to reflect a little more on the commercials. They merely highlight the way our brains naturally work. We have SO much information stored in our minds, and whenever anyone says anything, we subconsciously sort through everything we have stored until we find something that relates to what is being said to us. If I became a little more conscious of this thought process, perhaps my brain wouldn't feel so jumbled and, ironically, empty.

I'm amazed at how much utterly useless information I have stored in my mental bank, but I can only pull it out when I watch Jeopardy or Who Wants to be a Millionaire. If I could pull some of that out on command, perhaps I would have more interesting things to write about...

Revivable?

2009-08-24T20:01:00.000-07:00

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, so you should be completely enamored with me after my long time away. I've been feeling uninspired and unmotivated, which has led me to keep my distance. For that I apologize. Perhaps if I had written about my lack of inspiration & lack of motivation...I would have found myself inspired and motivated.

I'm headed back to Indiana on September 6th for a visit. I'll be there through September 14th, and I'm so excited! My mom called on Saturday and is already planning what movies we'll watch, and I love that she's so excited to see me. I miss her, and though I'm not always great about expressing that to her, it's true. I've been texting my bestest Brad regular countdowns so he doesn't forget that I'm coming. I'm so looking forward to seeing him. I love my friends here, and they all know me in different ways, but I just can't wait to get to spend time with someone who knows who I was, and can see who I am, and help me make sense of how to blend the two. I can't explain to my Cali friends the person I used to be in high school, so they can't connect the two parts of me. And that's okay. Not every friend I have is supposed to be able to help with that. That's why I have Brad.

I'm still feeling uninspired and unmotivated. Nothing has changed. I still don't feel like I have anything to write...but I'm writing anyway.

I've been going through my "Assorted Artists" CD's that I used to burn for myself, and I'm finding all sorts of songs I forgot about, and remembering why I love those "Mix Tape" CD's so much. I can go from Def Leppard to The Supremes to a song from Disney's Hercules in the span of a few songs. And I love it, because that's how I feel most of the time. I'm all over the map sometimes.

I guess that's all for now. I hope my inspiration comes soon. I don't know that I've ever truly been an inspired person, and maybe that's the problem. Maybe I'm just tired of waiting for it to come. Perhaps I should search for it instead. Maybe I need to make a little inspiration book of all the things I come across that make me feel alive and...well, inspired. Project!

Reading Mood Ring

2009-06-29T12:18:00.001-07:00

I really wish someone would invent a Reading Mood Ring/Future Reading Mood Predictor. Do you ever find yourself really excited to read something, starting it and loving what you've read so far...and then setting it down for weeks/months, because you're just not in the mood to read it right now? Boy do I...For instance, last week I shared my current like affair with Slaughterhouse Five, and how completely absorbed I was by it last weekend. And last weekend is the last time I touched it. It has lived in my purse for 8 days now, untouched. Why? Because when last Monday rolled around, I suddenly felt myself slipping into a Twilight mood. (Sidenote to Emily, if you're reading this - I know you're laughing at me in that loving "Oh Rach" way you do, and trust me, I'm laughing at me, too. Alas, I don't think I'll ever stop loving my dear vampires.)

Summer feels like Twilight time to me. Maybe it's because my love affair with the series began last summer, with the release of the 4th novel. Perhaps because my obsessive following of all snippets of movie news began last summer. Who knows. But, whatever the reason, I've abandoned Billy Pilgrim for my favorite parts of the Twilight books. Yes, I skip around. Twilight - this time around I skipped the James-tries-to-kill-Bella part. New Moon - I skip the dreaded middle part. Eclipse - well, I don't actually skip ANY of Eclipse because it's my favorite of the 4 books. In fact, I'll probably read it twice. Breaking Dawn - I just skip around that book, reading this part and that part, and returning to a part I skipped, and skipping forward again. But I still engross myself in this universe, even with the skipping.

Now, if I had a Reading Mood Ring or a Future Reading Mood Predictor (preferably in handy calendar form), I would have been able to see last Sunday that Monday would bring about the desire to re-live my Twilight obsession, and I wouldn't have started reading Slaughterhouse Five until after I exited said obsession (which should be later this week, once I've finished the books and watched the movie...twice). Without this handy Reading Mood Predictor, I'm trapped between worlds. My heart & mind lie in Forks, WA with the sparkly vampires, but Billy Pilgrim & Dresden keep beckoning me to come back to them. Only a few more days Billy, only a few more days.

Reading, reading, reading

2009-06-22T19:44:00.001-07:00

I just posted a comment on a topic Nathan Bransford posted a few days ago, entitled "What are you reading at the moment?" and it made me think of something to write. Hooray for that blessed delivery, as I've been at a loss since I got back from my vacation, and ran out of riveting travel stories to tell.

At the moment, I'm reading several things, and anxious to start several more. I've always loved to read, ever since I was just a little gal. My mom has countless pictures of me when I was younger, having fallen asleep with a book open over my face or on my chest or clutched in my hands. As I got into junior high & high school, I didn't have as much time to read. As I entered college and the workforce, I just didn't make enough time to read. I continued to buy books, but never quite got around to reading them. I've gotten back to the place where I feel a need to read something. I love perusing bookstores, and would buy everything there if I had the resources. I just need to read the things I buy. And so I set off on a quest even Prince Caspian would be hard-pressed to succeed in. (I've been watching a lot of movies, lately, too)

This quest begins with Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut. Well, no, let me backtrack a little. I guess it actually begins a little under a year ago when I got completely entrenched in the Twilight series. I read all 4 books in the span of 4 days, and I work full time. Every waking hour not spent at work (and some spent at work that weren't filled with actual work) was spent in Forks, Washington with Bella & the Cullens. It was so easy to get lost in their world, which is so utterly fictional, yet so incredibly realistic at the same time. I remembered why I loved reading so much. Over the last year I've tried to stay in that mode of reading, but it wasn't working out.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when, out of boredom and the spring TV season being over, I picked up Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince for the umpteenth time. The movie comes out on July 15th, and I always read the book right before the movie comes out, to refresh my memory before I watch it - I've done it with all the Harry Potter books, and plan to do so with all the Twilight books. (I'm not one of those people who gets all bent out of shape if the movie doesn't exactly match the book. I understand that if they were to match exactly, each Harry Potter movie would be exactly 13 hours and 47 minutes long. While I would watch all 13 hours and 47 minutes, most people wouldn't, thereby resulting in the downfall of the studio, and the end to movies based on books.) Then I moved on to Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows. In both of these books, there are deaths that move me to tears every time I read them. I'm fully aware that these are fictional characters, and I know the deaths are coming...but I cry nonetheless. (I am a cryer - books, TV, radio, movies...some commercials. I can't help it.) On our trip to Washington we needed to kill a little time, so we stopped at Barnes & Noble, where I proceeded to purchase Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut & Dracula by Bram Stoker (welcome to my library...and my brain...where completely unrelated items who live together on a shelf reside) both of which I was pretty sure I would never actually finish, because I don't seem able to finish a book lately. The Iliad sits 1/4 finished and sadly neglected on my bookshelf as a testament to this fact...as does The Inferno by Dante.

I put Slaughterhouse Five in my purse, as I had purchased the handy travel version, and proceeded to carry it around with me for these last few weeks, telling myself I would read it when I had time...and when I had time, it would be easy to access in my purse...so I would continue carrying it. Yesterday, Husband & I went to Barnes & Noble to kill some time (this time-killer is always my idea, of course) and when this visit was cut short by his parents utterly annoying habit of telling us one time but changing it to an earlier time at the last minute, I pulled out my handy purse-dwelling companion and dove in, hoping my annoyance would subside by the time we met up with them for lunch. And there, the magic of reading re-visited me.

Kurt Vonnegut's writing is simple, complex, chaotic, disjointed, at times rambling, and somewhat nonsensical at other times...and it's a beautiful thing. He ends 3 out of every 5 paragraphs (no, that is not a firm statistic...just a guess) with the phrase "So it goes." Those paragraphs that don't end with it seem to contain the phrase elsewhere in their being. The main character, Billy Pilgrim, is an optometrist who was once abducted by aliens from a planet called Trafalmadore. He was stuck in time, and during World War 2, and his time in Dresden, Germany, became unstuck in time, and seemed to drift from the 40's to the 60's, then to the 50's, then back to the 40's. Mr. Vonnegut uses a descriptive style that can paint a scene as clearly as if I'm looking out my window, but uses no more words than it takes to describe the pair of jeans I'm wearing. All of this...and I'm only on chapter 4. I found myself pulling the book out all day yesterday - in the car after lunch, at my parents house after our Father's Day dinner. During lunch, I couldn't wait to get back in the car so I could read. If I could read & walk at the same time, I would have read on the way from the restaurant to the car. (Had I actually done so, I surely would be posting on a completely different topic today - namely the lovely spill I would have undoubtedly taken down the hills of Old Folsom as I tripped over the sidewalk, and the curb, and the nothingness that occupies the space in front of my feet when I walk and reaches out to send me tumbling)

Today at lunch, I came home from work, fixed my food, and pulled up my floor pillow to the coffee table to delve back into the world of Forks, Washington, where vampires and werewolves and high school girls much clumsier than me dwell. This magical world became a little more magical to me today because of a brief trip I took yesterday to the battlefields of Dresden in World War 2, and the aftermath of an alien abduction to Trafalmadore. Thank you Kurt Vonnegut.

Next on my list is Bram Stoker's Dracula. Or perhaps I should finish The Iliad...or The Inferno...or I'll buy a new book. Alas, when the summer is over, and fall TV comes back to life, I shall find myself with even less time for reading, and my beloved books will nestle themselves back into the comfort of my bookshelves until next summer. So it goes...

Vacation - Days 6 & 7

2009-06-05T17:07:00.000-07:00

Vacation is officially over. Sad. Wednesday was day 6 of our vacation, and the final day spent in Washington. Jocelyn had to leave Wednesday morning for a trip, so we spent day 6 just with Cousin. Husband and I went to the Monarch Sculpture Park, and it was pretty lame. At least it was free. Then we went shopping and went to Burgerville for lunch (the hamburger I got this time was much better than the chicken strips I had there last time). We went to Cousin's house early afternoon, and we all went and saw Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, which I thought was good. We had dinner, then went back to Cousin's place, where he and Husband played Metal Gear 2, and I spent the next 5 hours watching them play it through. Late night, but it was nice.

Day 7 was spent driving home. It only took us about 14 hours, which was pretty good with stops for lunch and dinner. We had a relatively nice drive. No fighting, which was good. No major issues.

Today it's back to the real world. No work, but we had to go grocery shopping and that was real enough for me.

Vacation - Day 5

2009-06-03T00:07:00.001-07:00

Today was a pretty laid back day, which was nice. Cousin had to work, which we knew would happen. Baby Cousin was worn out from yesterday still, so she slept a little more today. Husband went out this morning to wash his car, and came back with Starbucks! And my drink was right! Yay Husband! He and I went to Barnes & Noble, and he looked at magazines while I wandered. I bought Slaughterhouse Five and Dracula, and I can't wait to read them!

Headed over to Cousin's house for lunch. We went to a BBQ place for lunch. It was good, a little pricey, though. Good still. A little disturbing that there was a pink neon pig outside with BBQ written on it. Lunch started a brand new family conversation (which I will not share here) but I have a feeling it won't go away any time soon. Hilariously inappropriate, in just the right dose. A conversation fit for cousins.

We headed home after lunch. Jocelyn, Husband, Baby Cousin and I walked to the mall, and Jocelyn had to leave early to pick up her car from the repair shop. Husband and I were left with Baby Cousin for a little while. He was cute - pushing the stroller, playing with her. She's officially moved to the top of his likable baby list, which is a huge thing. Jocelyn and I went to David's Bridal so she could try on a bridesmaid dress for the wedding she's in this September.

Cousin & Jocelyn have a small group on Tuesday nights with some of their youth group kids and we went to that tonight. It was good. I love spending time with their youth kids. They are just really friendly, and are pretty deep with God, just from what I've seen in the short time I've spent with them. I don't know if I don't see this in the youth group at our church just because I don't spend much time around them, or because it's not there as much, but either way...I got a chance to pray for one of the girls' prayer requests, which was good. She's one of the sweetest people I've ever met, and I really hope she gets what God's trying to say to her in this season of her life because if she does, she'll be absolutely unstoppable.

We went to a late-night "party" at the house of one of Cousin & Jocelyn's friends. They invited us all over to watch Men vs. Wild, where Will Ferrell went out into the wild with Bear Grylls. It was hilarious. We spent some time after the show chatting with them, and they seem like great people. Jocelyn shared a story that she had thus far neglected to tell Husband and I and it was hilarious! Long story short, she may be on a watch list at the airport due to a momentary lapse in judgement while packing her carry-on last time she went to Palm Springs. "But it's really pretty!"

5 Months, 18 Days & Counting...

2009-06-02T10:48:00.000-07:00

New Moon comes to a theater near you on November 20, 2009. They showed a special trailer at the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday night (which I missed, but is waiting for me on my DVR at home), but I did find the trailer online. Good job, guys, good job. Mr. Pattinson, you know my allegiance will always lie with Team Edward, but Taylor Lautner is looking pretty good and might just have you beat out in the shirtless department. Can't wait to see this movie!

Vacation - Day 4

2009-06-01T22:44:00.000-07:00

First day spent with all of us together. Woo hoo! We went to Gig Harbor in the morning, which turned out to be kind of a disaster. Upon seeing the harbor, it was beautiful. It reminded me of those picturesque scenes from New England harbors you see in movies. Sailboats in the bay, quaint little houses. Adorable. However, you just try finding somewhere to eat lunch...on a Monday...with a baby in tow. Location #1 - no one under 21 allowed, and this included infants. Since when do babies count when it comes to "no one under 21 in restaurants"? Tell me! Location #2 - Not open for lunch on Mondays. I can understand this, as I used to work in a restaurant that wasn't open on Mondays. Had this been our first stop, it wouldn't have been that big a deal, but it was huge since it was our second attempt at lunch. Location #3 - (final location) cute, good menu, food tasted good...service wasn't so stellar. I'm officially blaming poor service at restaurants on Jocelyn when we're together (sorry Joce!) - Chili's, McDonalds, Kelly's. 3 times I can think of off the top of my head...wait, I guess it could be me, too, since I was at all those places as well...but why would I blame myself? That's just silly! :) Husband got tired of driving & parking on the hills, and didn't want to get in & out of the car one more time, so we ended our trip to Gig Harbor after lunch. (I would like to mention here that it was HIS idea to go to Gig Harbor in the first place)

Next we headed to Priest Point Park in Olympia. Jocelyn had seen some senior photos that were taken there, and she'd never been, so we went to check it out. It was pretty, but not easy for a stroller ride. I definitely got a workout pushing Baby Cousin around that park! Nothing too exciting there, but it was pretty.

Tumwater Falls was next on our list. I went there when we were here last October, but Husband had never been there. Husband got to push Baby Cousin's stroller this time, and it was pretty cute to watch him push a little pink stroller with a cute little baby in it. We took a few pictures there, including my senior portrait. Ok, so it's not exactly my senior portrait, considering I graduated 6 years ago (6 years ago exactly today), but I never got senior portraits done, so I'm counting this one. Then we separated guys & girls and the rest of the evening was pretty laid back. I cooked dinner, we watched Valkyrie, and that was that.

Tomorrow is our last day with Jocelyn on vacation, as she heads out on a trip with Baby Cousin, but we still have Wednesday with Cousing, as long as he can clear out his work schedule. Tomorrow night will be busy - small group at Cousin's house, Men Vs. Wild at their friends' house to round out our evening. As we inch closer and closer to our return trip home, I wonder 1. Can I spend 12+ hours in a car with Husband? 2. Whose idea was it to drive up here anyway??

Vacation - Day 3

2009-05-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

We finally feel like our vacation is started! We had to hide in the church parking lot from Cousin while Jocelyn made her way to church, so she could see the surprise. She arrived, and as we headed into church, Cousin came outside...and the surprise was a SUCCESS! He was a little flustered for a while trying to make sense of what was happening.

Church was good. It was nice to feel welcomed by people, even though I've only been here once, and Husband only twice. It's a very homey feeling, which is lovely.

Lunch...Jocelyn & I went through the drive-thru at McDonalds. First, the lady asked if she could help us, and Jocelyn politely said, "Just a minute please." So the lady turned off her speaker, and mere seconds later came back on to ask if she could take our order. We said just a minute we were still looking, and she left the speaker on this time. This continued for a while, and we definitely felt like we were an inconvenience to her. Obviously she had somewhere more important to be at that particular moment than at the window waiting for us to decide between chicken nuggets and a hamburger...well, I'm sorry to have bothered you, ma'am! So, we pull up to the window after ordering, and she takes Jocelyn's card without a word, and isn't polite to us at all. We pull up to window #2 to retrieve our food, and Jocelyn asks to speak to a manager. The girl at the window giggles and says "Brittany, someone else wants to talk to you." Brittany, the so-called manager, comes to the window, in all her 17-year old glory, and asks what's wrong. Jocelyn explained, again very politely, what had happened, and the "manager" said she'd talk to the lady. We picked up an application for Cousin & Jocelyn's 10-month old daughter, since apparently they hire their managers young there.

I got the pleasure of spending the entire afternoon with Baby Cousin, while Jocelyn finished up her sermon for youth tonight. Baby Cousin has grown so much since the last time we were here. We headed out to church for youth, where Jocelyn was speaking. It was amazing, as I knew it would be (and I'm not just saying that because I know you'll read this Joce!). I love hearing her speak, and every time she does it's profound. I've never walked away from listening to her speak (in a formal setting or informal setting) without taking something valuable away, and for that I am greatful.

Lots of food at Applebees, and a little time on the wonderful internet rounds out my evening. Husband showed me a funny video on YouTube of a sleepwalking dog, and then showed me the video of the hit one of Cousin's youth kids took during a football game last year that injured him pretty badly. He's recovered now, so that's good news. I cringed, especially seeing it AFTER I knew the extent of the damage. But, it's like whatever...

Vacation - Day 2

2009-05-30T23:24:00.000-07:00

We woke up, had breakfast at the lodge (fancy hot chocolate!). We did a little shopping at one of the gift shops, and meandered down the hill toward the highway. We were a little bummed to find out that we indeed arrived at a poor time for adventure. None of the tours were running. We came right in between seasons, so there wasn't a way for us to actually get down to the lake. We still got some nice pictures, though.

We started part 2 of our trek to WA. We made a few stops/detours to take pictures of things. It was a relatively uneventful drive. Until we reached Washington. Just after entering Washington, we came upon a "drawbridge" (although I would disagree with their naming, as it's not a drawbridge in the true, traditional sense of the word). We were stuck there for about 15 minutes while they raise the bridge, allowed the boat to go under and lowered the bridge. It was fun, though, to get to experience that.

We finally made it to our lovely hotel, where we found out we were upgraded for free (and for what reason, we don't know) to a larger room. We headed to Lacey to Cabelas & WalMart, and stopped at Taco Time for dinner. This was the first instance of realizing that I can't do surprises. I was worried about someone seeing us there and recognizing us, and ruining the surprise to Cousin. No one saw us...the surprise seemed to remain intact.

Vacation - Day 1

2009-05-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

We barely made it out of the apartment before we were frustrated with each other, but we did get on the road. I took a brief nap toward the beginning of our trip, but I was awake for most if it. That, in itself, is a miracle. I fall asleep on a 15 minut car ride home from his parents' house! The drive went fairly well. I read a little, and got a headache from it, but what's new? Husband had the radio up entirely too loud, and refused to turn it down, so I didn't argue. Our new little Tom-Tom got us to Crater Lake safely, so that was good. The drive up was gorgeous. As we got into Oregon, I noticed there were a lot of cows, at least on the route we were taking, and I love cows, so it was great for me. Everything was so green and open once we got away from the Sacramento area. It was great. At one point in the trip, it was partly sunny/partly cloudy, in the mid to upper 70's and it started to rain. The smell of the rain was wonderful. It reminded me of home in Indiana - the smell of a summer rain on the asphalt - glorious.

We finally made it to Crater Lake, and there's snow! Along with that residual snow come 40 degree temperatures (flip-flops anyone? That's what I'm wearing!), but I can deal with that for a night. The lodge is gorgeous on the outside, and has a certain charm on the inside. I love the lobby. The rooms are definitely a little older, but I can handle that for a night. NO TV. NO INTERNET (so this post is actually coming after May 29th). Whatever will I do? Go to sleep, I suppose. We walked around a little outside before it got too dark, and we did get some pictures. It was very pretty. I can't wait to walk around tomorrow.

Then I attacked him anyway

2009-05-26T22:05:00.000-07:00

What is it about 80's teen-angst movies that make them so wonderful? Why is Say Anything a cult classic, when, in all truthfulness, the movie is about an utterly absurd scenario where 2 people who've gone to high school together but never really talked, start dating after graduation, fall in love, and move to England together. What makes it wonderful? In my opinion, 4 things:

1. John Cusack...need I say more?
2. The line "Then I attacked him anyway"
3. Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" played on a boombox creating an iconic scene.
4. "I'm just going to keep talking until that ding...any second now...'DING'."

While the movies of today have much to offer, they don't hold a candle to the John Hughes-era movies of the 80's. If a movie was created today that was strictly about a group of high school students serving a ridiculously long Saturday detention...it would be a flop. But The Breakfast Club is a classic. And how how we all love to hear Bender tell his family stories and watch Molly Ringwald play a rich princess...

He's got the whole world...in his hands...

2009-05-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

I watched Con-Air for the first time ever yesterday. Every time I saw it on TV, I always just passed it by because I wasn't interested. I finally watched it yesterday. I happened upon it toward the beginning, and noticed that John Cusack was in it. That was enough to hook me. I watched the whole thing, and it's actually a lot better than I thought it would be. Everything is better with John Cusack. Boombox scene from Say Anything...can you imagine how weak that would have been with, oh say Emilio Estevez? Lame. John Cusack was actually considered for the part of John Bender in The Breakfast Club, but the part ultimately went to Judd Nelson. I actually think that part was better for Judd Nelson, but the movie could have used a little John Cusack to make it a little brighter.

Husband and I went to the drive-in theater last night, and we saw Angels & Demons and Knowing. It was quite a late night - we got home around 2:00 am, and I ended up going to sleep around 3:00 am. We found out on the way home that I get quite chatty and inquisitive around that time of morning. I was curious about everything - where was everyone else on the road going at 2:00 in the morning? (home from the bar or strip club, said Husband) If they're not going home from either of those places, where were they going? Why do bars have to stop serving alcohol at 2:00 am? Why don't grocery stores or liquor stores have to stop serving at the same time? Or do they? Why is Steve Buscemi in every movie on the planet? What is the true appeal of Nicolas Cage? I mean, he's a decent enough looking guy, and he's a decent enough actor, and I enjoy his movies, but what is his true appeal? Does Mt. Dew have more caffeine than other sodas, as I've always been told? (If so, that would explain a lot from last night...I drank a 24 oz. bottle, and started a new one to get me through the movies) What does the word "touche" really mean? So, you can see the annoyance Husband may have felt at 2:00 last night :)

My only question (at the moment, anyway) is where is this inquisitive nature during the day? When it counts? Why can I never think of a good question when I meet someone?

Welcome Back!

2009-05-17T18:38:00.000-07:00

Welcome back blog-world! Okay, okay...you didn't go anywhere, I did. And for that, I apologize. Work got busy, life got busy, and I felt like I didn't have anything to write about. So, I guess I'll just start out with why I haven't been here.

Work has been crazy lately. This week we brought on about 10-15 new people. A company across the street merged with us, and so we've been busy the last month or so getting ready for them. There was a lot of moving around, re-modeling cubicles, and just stuff that you have to do to get ready for new people. We think of ourselves as a big family at my office, and bringing on these new family members entailed many of the same things it takes to get ready to bring a new baby home. They were officially moved in this past Monday, so this week was crazy also. Once they were there, there were a lot of requests to fill, questions to answer, and extra things to do. Thank goodness for our new admin assistant to do all our running around the office for us.

Life. Well, life is life. I don't really have much of a life as of late. Spring semester is over, so my Tuesday nights are free. Our small group has been cancelled, so my Wednesday nights are free. (Both of which are to my husband's dismay - he enjoyed having those 2 nights to himself) I'm too tired to do anything when I get home from work anyway, so it doesn't really matter. Summer weather is upon us here in Sacramento, and while I enjoy the sunshine and the thought of warm weather...the thought of actually going outside in that awful heat is no fun at all. So, I open up the blinds and enjoy the weather from the inside of my apartment.

And so now you see why I haven't been writing. I have absolutely nothing to write about! :) My husband is out of town this week, and while I will enjoy that fact this week, I've found that the weekend seems incredibly long here by myself. I've been watching a lot of the Food Network, and thinking that it would be really fun to be a cake-maker. Unfortunately, I've recently attempted to make a birthday cake from scratch, and decorate it...and it turned out to be pretty disastrous. I'm sure nobody's first cake turns out perfect, though.

I was looking through my high school yearbooks last night, and I got reminiscent (which I always seem to do when Husband goes out of town). I miss my friends. I thought the friends I made in high school would be my forever friends. The ones my kids got to call "Auntie" & "Uncle". Now I barely talk to them. Distance tends to do that. I know I could make more of an effort to keep in touch, and I want to try, but it's not the same as getting to just hang out with them. Don't get me wrong, I love the friends I've made since I moved to California, but it's just not the same. Sometimes I feel like I'm a completely different person here than I was at home. I understand that everyone changes after high school, and I know some of these changes in me have been for the better. It's just really hard to spend all your life moving from one place to another, and never really getting to stick with one group of friends. I finally found that in high school, because these were people I'd been with since 6th grade. Then, I moved, and had to start all over. It's much harder to have friendships when you're an adult. It might be easier to meet new people, but it's not as easy to get close to those people and really be friends. Despite the fact that I haven't seen him in 5 years, and talk to him fairly infrequently, my high school best friend Brad is still my best friend. I don't have a "California best friend" and that just makes me sad. Like I said, I go through this almost every time Husband goes out of town, and I pull out the yearbooks or watch my graduation video, or look at old pictures. I cry a little at the times gone by, get sad, have a snack, and then go to bed (these reminiscing urges always happen at night).

Until next time...

We've made a decision...

2009-02-22T14:44:00.000-08:00

...Well, husband made a decision. I couldn't feel at peace with the idea of us moving in with our parents, so I prayed about it, and I came to the conclusion that I needed to let him make the decision and I would follow and support whatever that decision was. Today, he told me his decision. We're staying in our apartment. He sat down and figured out how much money we could save staying here and how much money we could save moving in with our parents. On paper, it was a no-brainer - move in with our parents. He didn't feel right about the idea, so he prayed about it more, and felt like God was telling him that if we moved in with our parents we would be running away from our problem. So, we're staying in our apartment and we're going to work together and figure out how to make better use of our money. We'll work on saving money and seeing where we are in a year. I thought it would be hard to give up control of the decision making process, but it actually wasn't. I spent the week not feeling stressed about the situation and not worrying about what was going to happen. It was kind of nice. So, this year should be interesting...to say the least.

Where to Begin???

2009-02-18T20:51:00.001-08:00

I know, I know...it's been a while. The holidays came...and went. January came...and went. A new position at work took me away from the free time I had during the day to write. So, here I am, too long since my last visit, with a lot...and not much...to say. Life is busy, work is crazy, and I officially hate taxes, as of today. Husband did the taxes today and we, of course, owe. A buttload of money. Well, it feels like a buttload, anyway. Since we're facing the same scenario next year, we're considering moving in with the parents. No final decision made yet, just preliminary thinking. Of course husband thinks it would be easier living with his parents, and I think it would be easier living with my parents. So, we're going to talk to both sets, and make a decision. I never wanted to have to move back in with parents after getting married...yet here we are facing that scenario. Oh well. If it gets us out of our apartment, and a step closer to being able to buy a house, I'm game.

I haven't been crocheting as much as I'd like to lately. Too busy, too many baby blankets to make, not enough time.

I've been trying to take more pictures. Not so successfully...but oh well. Here are the beautiful tulips husband bought me for Valentine's Day.

Where do I start??

2008-12-30T10:05:00.001-08:00

So, I've been sorely slacking in postings as of late. Let me start with our Christmas show at church a couple weeks ago. I stage managed the show, and I only started 3 days before opening night. A little chaotic? Understatement. Next year we're starting preparations for the show in June if it kills me! I had a lot of fun, though. I stage manage a couple Sundays a month for our regular services, and I know I do well at the job, but it was different doing it for a show. Being backstage and being in charge of making sure everything kept running was a little rollercoaster-y. It was completely satisfying when the transitions worked well and there was no lag time between acts. It was utterly frustrating when I couldn't get people to go onstage when they were supposed to. I learned a lot about myself during the show. I learned that I'm not afraid to step in and take control when needed. Being the new person to a group isn't intimidating anymore. I can command attention when I need to, and I can lead better than I thought I could. From those few days working on the show, I've gained more confidence for my regular Sunday morning gig and I'm ready to build up a team of stage managers and lead them into excellence. Corny? Yes. Well, it is time for New Year's resolutions, and those tend to be a little corny, so I'm going to roll with it :)

Next up...Christmas. Christmas Eve, as always, was spent with Husband's family. We spent the morning with his mom's side of the family. This event always as the potential to be either intensely amusing...or blindingly boring and dragged out. This year we fell somewhere in between. There was no drama, we moved the present-opening along fairly quickly, and there was no real amusement. Kind of a disappointment, but overall okay. Husband went to his dad's family gathering in the evening while I went to our Christmas Eve services at church and helped with service coordination. It was more fun than stage managing. I got to sit in the sound booth and make sure lights went on and off at the right times.

Christmas with my family on Christmas day. Breakfast and presents with my parents, grandparents, brother, sister, brother-in-law in the morning, and on to dad's family in the evening. Dad's family was drama-free, and relatively uneventful.

Then I got to spend Friday doing absolutely nothing! I lounged around and watched a What Not to Wear marathon. And you know what that means...Saturday I was ready to shop! And shop I did. I didn't buy too many clothes but what I got, I'm happy with. I did, however, buy a ton of movies, and I'm realizing that I am addicted to buying movies! I live within a 5-minute drive of both Best Buy and Fry's Electronics, and both stores have great movies for cheap...so I wander the aisles and grab anything that's on sale. We've got about 180 movies, which isn't a lot compared to some people I've known, but when I consider the fact that we've purchased about 20 movies in the last couple months... *shudder* "Hi, my name is Rachel and I'm addicted to purchasing movies." "Hi Rachel!" Now I feel compelled to watch all these movies, which really poses a problem in the next couple weeks, when my shows start back up and I go back to school for the spring semester. No time for movies.

All in all, it was a good 6-day weekend. I really got used to not having to get up at a set time and not having to go to work. If only I could make that my life, and actually be able to afford to live, I would have it made!

I'm at that age...

2008-12-16T16:30:00.000-08:00

I was going to write about all the craziness of last week. The reason I wasn’t able to write all week – because I couldn’t pull my head together enough to string words together. But I’m going to save that for tomorrow. Today is a time for reflection.

Our payroll director passed away yesterday of a heart attack. It was completely out of the blue and unexpected. She was fine on Friday, and now she’s not here anymore.

This year is the year of transition. It’s the first year I’ve realized that I’ve reached that age where people I know and love, or people near those I know and love, are going to start dying. Earlier this year, the wife of one of our employees passed away. The father of another employee passed away this year, as well. One of the girls in the office lost her baby just 2 months before he was due to be born. Another friend from church just lost their 2 month old baby girl because of a heart defect. My aunt’s mom passed away this weekend. And now this. I’ve reached that age. And it doesn’t stop until I die.

Why now? I guess it’s because at this point in our lives, early-mid 20’s, we start becoming friends with older people. It’s not a stretch to have a few 50-year old friends. Sure, they’re probably not our closest friends, but we do call them friends. We’re in the age group of those starting to have babies, and with babies/children come the danger of injuries, minor or serious, and possibly death.

What does this dream really mean??

2008-12-04T09:20:00.000-08:00

Thank you Tia over at CGGB for a post idea for today! Yesterday she posted about her recent hot chocolate induced dreams and it reminded me of a dream I had a few weeks ago.

I don't remember 99% of my dreams, and I remember less of them now than I did in high school or when I was little. This dream is much different. I've been having this dream sporadically since I was little, and it's the same every time. Except this last time.

In my dream (of which I don't remember all the details, but I can string together enough to give you a rough idea of what's going on) I'm with a group of people. (When I was younger, it was my class, whatever grade I was in at the time. Now, it seemed like just a random group of people, some I know, some I don't.) We're in some sort of cave, and we're separated out into groups. There is a Red Group, a Blue Group, a Green Group and a Yellow Group. There is one exit from the cave, to our left, and a giant hole in the front of the cave. Periodically, a T-Rex sticks its nose in this giant hole and tries to reach us so he can eat us.

(I feel compelled to share with you my inane fear of the T-Rex. It started when I was in preschool/kindergarten and I watched The Land Before Time for the first time. When Sharptooth came on the screen, I buried my head into the shoulder of Beck, my very best friend at the time. Just as I thought I was over my fear, BAM! Jurassic Park. When the glass of water starts to shake, I curl up into a ball. While I know my fear is unfounded and irrational, and I should instead be afraid of contracting West Nile Virus or a biological attack happening, I can't help but shudder when I think about how terrifying it would be if a T-Rex suddenly ran out from between some buildings and tried to eat me.)

Apparently, our goal at this point of the dream is not to get eaten, and to get out of the cave, onto a waiting schoolbus outside. We can only exit the cave when the T-Rex has its head in the hole, and we can only go 6 at a time. All 6 people who go have to be from the same color group. (I'm sure there's a great deal of knowledge to be gained by examining all the rules regarding our escape, especially since they've all been present since I first had the dream when I was little.)

When my group of 6 exits the cave, we run onto the schoolbus, where there is seemingly no bus driver. I'm sitting in the back of the bus and a hand reaches through the back window. (You know, the window of the emergency door on the back of the schoolbus? That window.) We can't see the person attached to the hand, only the hand itself. We run off the bus in terror. Apparently, in addition to a crazed T-Rex trying to eat us, we have a crazed person trying to kill us. This is where things change a little. Typically, my dream ends here. I wake up, scared that a T-Rex is hovering over me, ready to strike. The last time I had the dream, I didn't wake up.

The next thing I remember from the dream this time is running into a hotel. The schoolbus has always ushered people to this safe hotel, but our group has never made it to the hotel before. This time, we did. The girl I'm rooming with (I have no idea who she is) and I head through the hotel to find our room. We have a room in the very farthest reaches of this strangely laid out hotel. We don't have actual beds in our room, as it's not quite finished yet, only mattresses on the floor. As we settle in for the evening, someone steps out from the closet. It's the crazy killer. Then I woke up.

When telling Husband about the dream, he said it sounded like a cross between an episode of The Magic School Bus, Jurassic Park, and a horror movie. Sounds about right. So what do you think? Any good interpretations for my dream?

Please stop the madness!!

2008-12-02T16:29:00.001-08:00

I started out my day tired, with a headache. I thought something light and funny would help. It didn’t. I posted about some frivolous lawsuits that I found amusing, silly, or outrageous. Turns out, this made my headache worse! The never-ending stream of phone calls doesn’t help. That’s what I get for being a receptionist.

Speaking of my job…I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ready for a new one! Not enough joy at my current job. Too much drama for my liking. People who can’t deal with their problems themselves. Oy with the poodles already! Every day I wake up and am a little more reluctant to go into work. Every day I wake up and think “I wonder just how much they pay at Starbucks?” Every day I wake up and wish that I had married a wealthy man (or, more accurately, wish that the man I married was wealthy). Then I crawl out of bed and drag myself into work, where I can only barely manage to work up the faintest hint of enthusiasm for my job. Will the madness never end??

Frivolous Lawsuits

2008-12-02T10:01:00.000-08:00

Lawsuits. America is obsessed with lawsuits. Legitimate or not, we like to go to court. Today, in an effort to give you something besides the boring drivel of my daily life, I bring you some of my favorite silly American lawsuits (in no particular order).

1. Lawsuit against God. Senator Ernie Chambers of Nebraska filed a lawsuit against God, stating that God has “made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused ‘widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants.’” The judge threw the lawsuit out on the basis of a lack of address for God. You must have access to a defendant to move forward with a lawsuit. The judge decided that not having an address for God is lack of access to Him. Mr. Chambers disagrees, saying that the court acknowledges the existence of God, and thereby acknowledges His omniscience. Omniscience = Knowledge of Lawsuit. Mr. Chambers can appeal the judge’s decision, but I have a feeling he won’t. I think he’s made his point, albeit a silly point in my opinion.

Why I think it's silly: This is a lawsuit against someone who can not truly defend themselves. My personal views on faith aside, I think all lawsuits related to this topic are silly. The guy who fought against “Under God” on money and in the Pledge of Allegiance…Really, dude? For all these years, it’s been there. It hasn’t been hurting anyone. If you don’t like it, don’t say that part. Don’t pay with cash. Or suck it up and deal with it. Mr. Chambers has taken this one step further. I am completely okay with him skipping morning chamber prayers during the legislative session. That’s his choice, and that is a perfectly acceptable response to something you don’t agree with. His criticism of Christians…First Amendment = Free Speech. Until you start encroaching on their rights, go for it.

Okay, so maybe my views on faith weren’t completely set aside, but, hey, it’s my blog, I’ll say what I want!

2. Lawsuit against McDonalds. The year was 1992 (February, to be exact). The place: Albuquerque, New Mexico. The name: Stella Liebeck. The infamous McDonalds Coffee lawsuit. Stella was 79 years old at the time of the incident. She and her grandson went through the McDonalds drive-thru, where Stella ordered a cup of coffee. After receiving their purchase, her grandson, who was driving the car, pulled over to allow Stella to put cream & sugar in her coffee. She held the cup between her knees and attempted to remove the lid. In doing so, the coffee spilled on her lap, causing 3rd degree burns to 6% of her body. Stella sought a settlement of $20,000, but McDonalds wouldn’t bite. During the trial, it was found that between the years of 1982 and 1992, more than 700 people had been burned by McDonalds’ coffee. Stella was eventually found to be a mere 20% at fault for the incident. (Only 20%, really?) The final settlement of the case remains a secret to this day. While the trial was public, and the case received much media coverage, the case was settled in secret.

Why I think it’s silly: McDonalds may serve their coffee at high temperatures (between 180-190 degrees, according to the case), isn’t it generally guaranteed that your coffee is going to be pretty hot, unless you’ve ordered an iced coffee? Common sense, people! (Now, if you HAVE ordered an iced coffee, and you get 3rd degree burns…that might warrant a lawsuit.) Those 700+ people who got burned between 1982-1992 did not make headlines. Why don’t we follow a little more closely in their footsteps – when we get burned, visit the doctor, submit the claim to your insurance company, and be more careful next time! This lawsuit actually spawned the Stella Awards, which cover other frivolous lawsuits.

3. Drinking myself to death was not my fault! Amanda celebrated her 21st birthday in typical fashion – legally drinking with her friends. After partying with her friends for a few hours, downing drink after drink that they bought for her, she drank herself to death with a blood alcohol level of .4594. Amanda, with a background in studying nursing, apparently was not at fault for her death…so say her parents. They sued the bar and her college-aged friends for providing the drinks that ultimately led to her death. According to the suit, she was in a vulnerable state, at risk for personal harm, and she was in the care of friends who did not prevent harm from coming to her.

Why I think it’s silly: The only state Amanda was in is a state of drunkenness that she entered into herself. I am not seeking to downplay the tragedy of the event – it’s always terrible when someone dies, and I’m truly sorry for the loss this family suffered. My problem is with the way the parents dealt with the loss. Instead of grieving their daughter’s untimely demise and accepting the fact that she made some bad decisions that led to said demise, they blamed everyone else. ‘The bar shouldn’t have served her so many drinks.’ ‘Her friends shouldn’t have let her keep drinking.’ Maybe the bar shouldn’t have served so many drinks and maybe her friends should have cut her off at some point, but the responsibility ultimately lies with the person consuming the beverages.

While I could probably find many more frivolous lawsuits and fill my day writing about them…I’ll leave you with just these three.

Thanksgiving...Over?

2008-12-01T16:30:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is over. On one hand, this makes me happy. Christmas is a mere 24 days away now. Yay! On the other hand, this makes me sad. Christmas is a mere 24 days away now. Boo! I love the holiday season and I can’t wait for Christmas, but once it gets here, it’s over! There is nothing else to look forward to until next Christmas! What a bummer!

How was your Thanksgiving? Mine was pretty good. We had our typical two-meal Thanksgiving – his family and mine. Now, 2 meals on Thanksgiving might not sound like a big deal, but we eat these meals within a mere 2 hours of each other. That is not conducive to truly enjoying the food placed before you. Especially if you normally eat small meals, like me. I was so stuffed after meal #2, it was ridiculous!

On that Thanksgiving weekend note, I did nothing of consequence this weekend. Well, that’s not entirely true. I watched a What Not to Wear marathon on Friday. I shopped (albeit for myself) on Saturday, I saw Twilight on Saturday night. So I suppose there was some consequence there. The peril of the What Not to Wear marathon is my desire to spend $5000 on a new wardrobe after watching the show. Unfortunately, the $5000 would be of my own money, and the $5000 of my own money is non-existent. Doesn’t quelch the desire

Twilight was AMAZING!!

2008-11-29T22:27:00.000-08:00

I just returned from the theater, having FINALLY seen Twilight. One word - AMAZING. Okay, I'll admit it wasn't the best movie in the history of movies (see: Casablanca), and it definitely doesn't compare to the book. But, the movie was still amazing. Funny, sad, romantic, intense. Amazing. Ever since I got into the series and got excited about the movie, I've been excited about the second movie, especially since it's been given the official go-ahead. After seeing this movie, I have to admit I'm not looking forward to the second movie quite as much because there will be far less Edward (i.e. Robert Pattinson) in New Moon. How sad :(

Now it's off to bake a cheesecake. Yum!

...I have nothing good to insert here...

2008-11-25T09:00:00.000-08:00

Today is my last day at work this week! Woo hoo! And, we’re having a wonderful dinner at an amazing restaurant tonight with our lovely Cousins. So excited! I’m looking forward to my day “off” tomorrow. I say “off” because I’ll be at the church in the morning helping decorate for Christmas, taking Husband to lunch for his quarter-of-a-century-birthday and heading back to church in the afternoon to help out in the office for a few hours. Should be fun, definitely more fun than being at work, but not exactly a day “off”.

Speaking of Cousins, Joce has some great pictures up on her website! Hopefully she’ll have some more up soon.

Call ahead seating

2008-11-24T16:17:00.001-08:00

Saturday night we decided to go to dinner. Bad move. We spent over half an hour driving from restaurant to restaurant before we found one with a wait that we could live with! We ended up at Red Robin, which was wonderful! I finally got my apple chicken harvest salad that I’ve been wanting for weeks! Yay! Moral of the story is…Call ahead seating is the way to go!

Every year my husband and I head up to Apple Hill for a visit. We eat caramel apples, walk around, and head home a couple hours later with some yummy pink lady apples in hand. We usually go the 2nd or 3rd weekend in November. We have not gone yet this year. I’m anxiously awaiting our trip. I plan to talk my husband into taking silly pictures and documenting our trip, as we never seem to do this. Shame…Hopefully we’ll go soon, because my life is sorely empty without those yummy Apple Hill apples!

I feel like I’m the last person on earth who hasn’t seen Twilight yet! Okay, maybe not the last person on earth, but definitely the last person in America! I’ve been waiting anxiously for the movie to come out, since I started reading the books in August, and all along my husband has mocked me for my obsession with the series. So, I figured I’d get to go see the movie by myself, or with a friend. I’m off work this Wednesday, and my husband has to work, so I thought it would be the perfect time to go see the movie. Alas, husband wants to see the movie with me!

I’m tempted to make him read the book before seeing the movie, but I know we’d never get to the theater, he reads so slowly! We’ve seen all the Harry Potter movies so far, and he’s enjoyed them, and I keep telling him that the books are waaaaaayyyy better than the movies, and he would really like them if only he’d read them. After 4 years of being together, and 19 months of marriage, I’ve finally gotten him to read the first Harry Potter book. The book has been in his possession for months, and he’s not even halfway through it!! So, I’m not going to put myself through the agony of having to wait for him to read Twilight. I’ll give him the basis of the story and we’ll make our way to the theater for 2 hours of viewing heaven! Or perhaps I’ll read the book to him. I can read faster than him anyway…

Yay for canned food!

2008-11-21T16:30:00.000-08:00

We participated in a food drive that one of the offices downstairs was coordinating. Their parent company would donate $5.00 additional for every pound of food collected. Our office alone raised 382 pounds of food. Total, they collected over 1100 pounds of food, which equals over $5000 extra to be donated to our local food bank. It was so much fun being in charge of sending out all the emails to our office and getting everyone to donate, and watching the donations come in and our pile grow. There really is a lot of joy in helping others. So get out there this holiday season and help someone who needs it! :)

70, seriously?

2008-11-18T16:30:00.000-08:00

Christmas music makes me happy. I know, it’s a little too early to be listening to it, but I don’t care. If there is a station on my radio presets that is playing it, I’ll be listening. And, lo and behold, there is a station playing it. So, I’m listening! I’m not sure why Christmas music makes me so happy. There is just a certain joy that comes along with those familiar, jolly tunes. Perhaps it’s the familiarity. Perhaps it’s the fact that they only come once a year. Perhaps it’s the fact that there’s no chance of them getting worn out from too much play, because they’re only played once a year for a short time. Then you have a whole year to recoup before it’s time to play them again. Whatever it is, I’m happy for it. From Rudolph to Bing Crosby. I want it all.

The damper on my Christmas music cheer – the weather. It’s still sunny and 70 here in Sacramento, and that just doesn’t mix with my wonderful Christmas music! While most would not consider this a bad thing, I do. I’ve spent 74% of my life thus far living in areas where there are multiple seasons – Washington, Ohio, Indiana. The other 26% = Arizona (for the first 6 months of my life, which I don’t remember) and California. I prefer the multiple seasons. I like the smell of the first truly spring morning. Walking to the bus stop in high school, and getting the first whiff of spring. The first summer morning that’s still crisp, but has a hint of heat lingering somewhere just behind the dew. The first fall morning that ushers out the humidity and rings in the crisp, colorful mornings. The first winter morning, all bundled up, breath visible in the air. The first snowfall, right outside my window. There’s something magical about being able to watch the seasons change. There is nothing magical about sunshine and warm temperatures year-round, with a little rain every now and then. Oh how I loathe the weather!

$15...it only cost $15!

2008-11-17T16:34:00.000-08:00

I saw a lady pushing a stroller yesterday on my way home from church. She was a little Asian lady. I thought to myself, “She looks a little old to have a baby. Perhaps it’s her grandchild.” Just as I finished my thought, out popped 2 little heads. She was pushing her 2 little Yorkshire terriers in this stroller. I bet she told her husband when she left the house, “Honey, I’m going to take the dogs for a walk. Be back soon!” This is not taking them for a walk. This is taking yourself for a walk, and pushing the dogs in front of you. Strange…

Starbucks has somehow found a way to make my PWM even better this year. It’s a PWMT (Peppermint White Mocha Twist). It’s a Peppermint White Mocha with peppermint whipped cream and chocolate shavings sprinkled on top. It’s heavenly! I’m so glad it’s PWM(T) season!

I am a little sad that the weather is still so nice here in Sacramento, though. It’s a little unsettling to me to realize that I will begin listening to Christmas music (officially) in 11 days, and, currently, it’s sunny and in the 70’s. That is not Christmas season weather, not even in Northern California! Oh how I miss the cold and snow back home in Indiana!

My husband is trying to get a new job which would take us to Phoenix, AZ. While I can appreciate the adventure of moving to a new place and starting a new job, I wish that place weren’t Phoenix. My issue with Phoenix is that the weather is so nice all the time. I don’t like that. I am a girl who needs the seasons to change! I need at least one season in during which I can wear socks and sweaters. Phoenix does not have that to offer me. I’m torn between wanting to go because I know it will be a good career move for my husband, and it would be an adventure, and not wanting to go because I don’t want to go to Phoenix. We’ll see what happens. He may not even get the job.

Twilight comes to theaters in 4 days. 4 DAYS! I’m so excited. I need to re-read the book (for the 4th time since August) before I go see the movie.

My husband and I went shopping last night, and it was a pretty exciting experience for me. We went to Fry’s Electronics to look for the movie Troy, because I wanted to buy it. Fry’s usually has lots of movies for pretty inexpensive prices. I figured I’d get a good deal there. They did not have 1 single copy of the movie! So, we headed out. My husband asked where to next, and I told him just to go home. We’d spent all afternoon at his grandma’s house, fixing the computer (him, not me) and it was almost dinnertime, so I figured he’d want to go home. He insisted we go somewhere else because he had said he would take me shopping. So, we went to Best Buy to continue our search for the movie. Here is where I discovered how much God loves me. Troy, and many other excellent movies, was on sale. I purchased the 2-disc Director’s Special for $6.99! Amazing! We headed toward the rest of the movies to look for more, when another display caught our eye. Some TV series seasons on DVD were on sale – for $14.99 each. Gilmore Girls Season 7 being one of them. The only season I did not already own. It would not cost me $45 to buy this…only $15! Plus, Smallville seasons 4-6 were on that display. These 3 seasons are on my husband’s birthday list. I can buy all 3 seasons for what it would normally cost me to buy one! I’m so excited! By the end of our Best Buy excursion, we had spent $60 on 7 movies and 1 wonderful season of Gilmore Girls. Not bad. The moral of the story: Shop Around Before You Buy!

There were not more fries!

2008-11-14T16:30:00.000-08:00

I went to Wendy’s for lunch today. I got the 5-piece value meal, for a mere penny more. There were not more fries than the $.99 value-sized fries I got on Wednesday night. That lady was a liar! I’ll forgive her…this time. Just don’t let it happen again, Wendy’s drive-thru window lady!

My wonderful cousin Jocelyn just ‘opened’ her brand new photography website. There are no photos up yet (ironic…) and I can’t wait to see which ones she picks! She is an amazing photographer! (Seriously, if you live in the Olympia, WA area, and you are in need of a photographer, give her a call. http://www.jocelynallenphoto.com/. I promise she’ll have examples of her work up soon.) Now that my plug is complete…

I was reading Jocelyn’s thank you section on her website. It got me thinking. What am I passionate about in my life? What dream do I want to pursue? She loves photography, she’s great at it, and now she’s making it a career. There are people in her life that haven’t let her give up on this dream. What is my ‘photography’? What do I love to do that I would like to make a career? I got nothing. I can’t think of one single thing. How sad is that?

...you'll get more fries!

2008-11-13T16:30:00.000-08:00

PWM, I love you! I haven’t had Starbucks in 8 days (which, for me, is a record as of late). Today I broke and had a yummy PWM. The first of the season, but certainly not the last! It’s so satisfying.

I went to Wendy’s last night for dinner. The drive-thru, of course. I ordered a 5-piece chicken nugget from the $.99 value menu. I ordered a value-size fry from the $.99 value menu. The lady asked me if I wanted to make it a value meal, and assured me that I would get more fries that way. I said no thanks. I then ordered a small Frosty (yum!). She informed that I could substitute the Frosty for the drink in a value meal. Would I like to get the value meal? It would only cost me 2 cents more and I would get more fries. I assured her that I didn’t want a value meal, and that I wouldn’t eat more fries, so I really didn’t need them. She paused, seemingly confused, gave me my total and asked to pull around to the 2nd window. I obliged. When I got to the window and handed her my debit card, she informed me that if I had gotten the value meal, it would have cost only $3.21 instead of the $3.20 that I was currently paying, AND I would get more fries. I politely reminded her that I really wouldn’t eat more fries, and I was fine with what I had ordered. She seemed thoroughly confused by this situation. I headed home to eat my much debated meal. 20 minutes later, approximately ¼ of the fries remained uneaten. I told her I wouldn’t eat more fries…

360 years...

2008-11-12T16:02:00.000-08:00

I am so ready to be able to eat all my normal foods again! This is just annoying! I’m starving and I am sick of applesauce! Technically I can eat whatever I want now (except nuts, ice, and hard candy – for 3 months), but I’m a big baby and I want to avoid the potential pain that might accompany my typical yummy snacks.

I have conquered the puzzle! Well, maybe not the whole puzzle, but definitely the part that stumped me last night. All it took was a fresh set of eyes looking at it. I worked on it a little at lunch today, and I figured out that there was a piece in the top edge that was in the wrong place. Once I remedied that, all the pieces directly below that fell right into place. Woo hoo! I also started picking out the pieces that will go together to make up the dwarves. (Did I mention it’s an artsy-like puzzle of Disney’s 7 dwarves walking up the walk to their house? No, well, perhaps I should have.) I’ve put a few pieces together and the dwarves are shaping up nicely. I’m excited to get the rest put together!

In 1633, Galileo was found ‘vehemently suspect of heresy’ by the Roman Catholic Church and ordered under house arrest because of his heliocentric views and his opinions on the motion of the Earth. It wasn’t until 1992 that the Catholic Church reversed their decision on the matter. It took the church 360 years to realize that their decision was a bunch of hooey and that the Earth does not remain stationary as they tried to say it does. That is astonishing to me.

Stupid puzzle!

2008-11-11T21:46:00.000-08:00

Today is Veteran’s Day. My mom, my dad, my stepdad, 2 of my uncles, and my grandpa are all retired military. I have a cousin currently in the Air Force. I suppose I should get started on sending out those e-cards!

I ate solid food today for the first time since my surgery! Woo hoo! And, of course, my first foray back into grown-up food was none other than…McDonalds. I know, I know. Not healthy, but oh-so-yummy!

I worked some more on my puzzle after work. Once the edge pieces are done, I get easily frustrated with those tiny little pieces. It seems that I have purchased a puzzle in which almost every piece fits into multiple places, and there are only tiny virtually imperceptible differences that make it clear that the piece doesn’t fit where I’ve just placed it. SO ANNOYING!

Do the pieces fit?

2008-11-10T20:30:00.000-08:00

Curse this need to work and earn money! I went back to work today, and a mere 90 minutes into my day, I was ready to go home. My head hurt. My mouth was sore. I couldn't move very quickly. I couldn't talk very much (a pitfall considering I’m a receptionist). I just wanted to go home and curl back up in bed. I really need to find a work-from-home job, and pronto!

I bought a puzzle this evening. An actual puzzle. It’s been a long time since I did a puzzle. My husband and I started working on it after dinner. We’ve never done a puzzle together before. It’s interesting to see how people do puzzles differently. He grabs every piece within reach and tries to make it fit until he finds the right one. I prefer a more zen method. I look for only the pieces that look like they might fit. For every 5 pieces he touched, I touched one. Interesting. I can’t wait to keep working on it! I’ve decided that when we get a place with more room, we have to have a table that we can do puzzles on, and leave the ‘in progress’ puzzles sitting on.

Why did I do this voluntarily?

2008-11-09T14:12:00.001-08:00

Thursday November 6th - D-day. Well, not really. I did have my wisdom teeth removed on Thursday, though. I've spent the last few days in recovery mode. They've been filled with sleep, medicine, moments of pain, moments of hysteria...and mostly moments of thinking "Why on earth did I do this voluntarily?" They weren't causing me any pain, my dentist didn't actually tell me that I needed to have them removed. I just figured it would be better to get them taken out now rather than waiting for them to cause me pain. Now I suffer for this decision.

Thursday - I sat down in the surgery chair and waited for the moment to come. The Dr. came in and put the IV in (not at all gently). That's pretty much the last thing I remember before waking up a few hours later. The next thing I knew, my eyes were fluttering open to the sounds of the nurse trying to awaken me. She got me into the wheelchair, and we headed out to the car. I must have slept for the whole 3 minute ride home, and then I was awake enough to walk up the stairs to the apartment. I slept most of the rest of the day. When it was time to change my gauze later, freak-out number 1 occurred. If only my husband could have video-taped it, I would post it for you to see...maybe. Thursday was a little traumatic with all of the gauze and the bleeding...blah. Later my husband informed me that they had to give me extra anesthesia to ensure that I wouldn't move during the procedure. Apparently, despite my best poker face, I was incredibly nervous.

Friday I slept a majority of the day, again, and it was time to take the ice packs off my cheeks. I left them on a little longer than usual, because I was a little freaked out about what would happen after they came off. Nothing of consequence, as it turns out. I started eating a little. The applesauce I had for breakfast didn't agree with my stomach, thereby not staying there for very long. The soup and mashed potatoes I had later worked out a little better for me. Ice cream agrees best with my stomach, so I've been eating lots of that. Friday also brought about the time to start rinsing out with salt water and using that funky little water syringe to rinse out the surgery holes. Here came freak-out number 2.

Saturday I had an excruciating headache. I felt like I would explode at any moment. It lasted into the night, and through to this morning. My stitches have started to make themselves known, which my husband says is perfectly normal. They should be dissolved by the end of this week. This realization regarding my stitches brought on freak-out number 3. I'm squeamish, to say the least.

And here we are today. My mouth is still sore. It hurts to talk. My head hurts, albeit slightly less than yesterday, and I face my first day back to work tomorrow. This would not be a very daunting experience if it weren't for the fact that I have a job in which I talk on the phone all day long....and it hurts to talk. We'll see how this works out.

My husband has been great through this whole thing. He's been bringing me everything I need when I need it, taking care of me through my freak-outs (at the same time laughing at me). My suggestion - if you don't absolutely have to have your wisdom teeth taken out, don't do it. Don't subject yourself to this kind of horror.

A new era...

2008-11-05T16:32:00.000-08:00

Barack Obama is our next President. While my husband is upset about this, I don’t know how I feel, since I don’t really know much about Obama. I haven’t really paid much attention during the election season, and I don’t know his politics. I suppose I should look into him at least a little, so I know something about the man who will be running our country come January. What I do know is that I am proud to be living in a historical moment – the moment when the first black President was elected to office. Regardless of his politics or the job he does as President, this moment should be held in high regard. My husband is unable to do this; to step away from the politics, away even from the people themselves, and appreciate the moment. We had a black man running for President and a woman running for Vice President. We have a black man as President-elect. Those two statements are ground-breaking statements. That’s all I have for the election. I’m glad it’s over, I know that much.

Tomorrow I am having surgery. Okay, so it’s not major surgery, just getting my wisdom teeth removed, but it’s a big deal to me. I will be anesthetized during the procedure. I won’t know what’s going on. I’ll wake up groggy, drugged up, (shortly followed by) in pain, and less 4 teeth. I pray everything goes well. On the plus side of this little event, I get to repay my husband for his actions as a recovering patient. I dropped him off at his parents house after the surgery, and then I headed out to get his medicine. I came back and waited for him to wake up. When he did, we changed his gauze (a story in itself – I accidentally caused him to pass out doing this. I foresee this happening in my future, as well, although it may be caused by little ole me, not him.) As the day wore on, he wanted movies and an avocado. So, I went out in search of these items. I brought the avocado back to him, he took a few bites, and then got nauseous and couldn’t eat any more of it. Fabulous. So, I intend to send him on various errands throughout the day (assuming I’m the least bit coherent) in order to repay him for my trips.

Is it over yet?

2008-11-04T19:14:00.000-08:00

Today is Election Day. I’ll admit, I’m not voting this election. It’s not that I don’t care or that I don’t think my vote matters. I got married May 07, and when I changed my name on my driver’s license, I filled out the back of the form, where it asks you if you want the DMV to update your voter registration…but they didn’t do it. By the time I realized it hadn’t been done, I just didn’t get around to re-registering. I’m aware that by not voting, I’ve taken away my right to complain about the outcome of the election, and I’m okay with that. I don’t typically pay enough attention to what’s going on with the government to know whether or not I need to complain anyway.

Last night my husband and I went to the hospital to visit his grandma. She has some cracks in her back, so she has to get them fixed. She seemed to be in high spirits, and was quite amusing. She talked the whole time we were there – an hour – and I think we got about 30 words in between the 2 of us! She kept distracting herself in the middle of her stories and not quite finishing them. Oh, the joys of grandparents!

Today is the start of a beautiful season. I went into my beloved Starbucks this morning, only to be pleasantly surprised by the use of Christmas cups. They started earlier than normal this year, but I can deal with it. Normally, the boxes full of Christmas cups arrive, and they stack them up against the windows and I’m given a few days to look at the boxes, knowing what’s inside, and waiting excitedly for the cups to be unleashed on a holiday-happy Starbucks; a Starbucks full of Christmas decorations, Christmas music, holiday drinks and holiday pastries. Normally, I switch my drink to a grande peppermint white mocha as soon as they unleash the Christmas cups. Today, however, I was so surprised by the cups, and, not having had my normal lead time to prepare for the drink change, I had to order my “rest of the winter” drink – a grande caramel white mocha. While it tastes happier being sipped from a wonderful red Christmas cup, it’s just not the same as my peppermint white mocha. Tomorrow PWM…tomorrow we shall reunite and depart not until the white cups return. This really is the most wonderful time of the year :)

Speaking of winter…it’s time to start making soups and stews and chili and pulling out that slow cooker. Which means it’s time to hit AllRecipes and look for some yummy-sounding recipes to try out :) This, unfortunately, requires some planning ahead in regards to going to the grocery store. It’s my goal to get better at that. Perhaps I should sit down each Saturday morning and plan out my menu for the week and make the corresponding grocery list. I’ll bet that lasts all of…1 week before I get tired of it, though :)

There has to be a better way...

2008-11-03T16:30:00.000-08:00

My husband and I went to dinner on Saturday night. At a nearby intersection, there was a commotion. As we wandered to an area where we could see what was going on, while we waited to be seated, we realized what it was. There were a bunch of people out with “Yes on 8” signs and “No on 8” signs, stating their opinions on Proposition 8. They had signs on their cars and were driving around the block, honking and yelling out the windows, and they were standing on the corners doing the same. Whenever they could, they would cross the cross-walk and yell out. I am all for people getting involved and expressing their opinions, but really? In my opinion, this isn’t the most effective way to do that. There was even a guy in a truck who was yelling out his window with a bullhorn!

There is a pastor named Rob Bell who has an amazing video series (Nooma). There is one video in particular that this ‘protest’ reminded me of. It’s about a guy Rob calls ‘Bullhorn Guy’. He’s the guy who stands on the street with a bullhorn, yelling about sin and burning in hell and how you’re going to hell if you don’t believe in Jesus. He hands out pamphlets saying the same things. And no one stops to listen to what he’s saying. ‘Bullhorn Guy’ is not using an effective method to communicate what he has to say. These people we saw out on Saturday night were not using an effective method to communicate what they wanted to say. I hope they figure out a better way in the future…

Saturday morning I had to take my husband to the ER. Well, I didn't have to...but he went to ease my mind. He was changing my brakes Saturday morning and he stabbed himself in the face with a pair of needle nose pliers. Luckily the wait at the hospital wasn't bad, because all the doctor did was put some Neosporin and a bandaid on it. But I felt better having gone to see the doctor and making sure it wasn't more serious than he thought it was.

Confused???

2008-10-31T16:30:00.000-07:00

Why do people ask the same questions over and over again? Every Friday we put out a weekend highlights email to our loan officers. I put in the commentary, which I get from a website, and I send it to my manager for him to input rates. He sends it back to me, and I personalize it and send it to each loan officer. It comes out every Friday, usually after lunch. We’ve been doing this since May – 5 months. One loan officer in particular asks me every week when this piece will come out. I tell him the same thing every time he asks – Friday, probably after lunch. Yet, he comes back the next week and asks me the same question. And the next week. And the next week. He asked me again this morning. I answered the same. He’ll be back next week…

…but I will not be here next week. At least, not for the weekend highlights. I get my wisdom teeth taken out in 6 days. The last surgery I had was my tonsillectomy when I was 4 or 5. All I remember is being in the military hospital (we lived on an Air Force Base) and eating ice cream. The kind of ice cream that comes in a little plastic cup with a wooden paddle for a “spoon”. I’m not really looking forward to my wisdom teeth being removed. It hit me last week that I will be asleep for this surgery. There will be a period of time when I am unaware of what is happening and someone will be cutting and pulling teeth out. That is not okay with me. In junior high, my friend’s dad went in for knee surgery and didn’t come out of it. I think it had something to do with the anesthetic – he was allergic to it or they gave him too much or something. That’s all I can think about heading into my surgery next week. My husband had his wisdom teeth removed a couple years ago, and everything went fine. I’m still scared. I don’t have a high threshold for pain, either. This will be very painful afterward. I hope they give me some good drugs!!

It's all in the delivery...

2008-10-30T16:30:00.000-07:00

I’m tired this morning. My head hurts. And last night, my step-mom forgot about me. I meet with her every Wednesday night to chat. I got to my parents house last night, and no one was downstairs. So I wandered upstairs and knocked on their bedroom door, where my dad was watching TV with the dog. He said she had a meeting at church and hadn’t she called me to tell me? I said no. So we went downstairs, I ate my dinner, and we watched TV until she called to let me know that she had forgotten about me. How sad. It was okay, though.

We spent a good portion of the evening reminiscing with my brother, and my sister when she got home from work. We talked about our trips to Hawaii, my brother’s run-in with a mouse in his car, the many animals they had growing up (they’re my step-siblings, whom I didn’t grow up with, so these were not my animals), and other fun stuff like that. I noticed, not for the first time, what an animated story-teller my brother is. He gets up and moves around and re-enacts things that happen to him. Much funnier than when I tell stories. I can tell them in writing just fine…not so much a verbal story-teller.

I was also hit this morning with the realization (once again) that nothing terrible interesting ever happens to me. I was reading about an encounter one of my high school comrades had, and it was interesting and made for a great story. I don’t have those sorts of encounters. When we were up in Washington this weekend, we had a couple of those sorts of encounters…but my cousin was always there, so I’m pretty sure it was her who was having the encounter. I was just a tag-along. Perhaps I’m just too closed off when I’m out and about…too unaware of those around me…too unapproachable. Or, perhaps I’m just too boring to be approached in the first place. Maybe I’ll take my laptop to a happy little Starbucks and just people-watch. Maybe if I stay there long enough, I’ll have a fun encounter.

This morning the owner of the company came by and asked how I was doing. I said “I’m great!” He was really excited about my response and commented on the energy. The only energy I felt was the pounding in my head. All that enthusiasm just made my headache worse. I will definitely be reserving that response for only him. I can’t handle that more than once a day.

Where are they now...

2008-10-29T16:00:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up, earlier than usual, and watched “The Ex List” before getting ready for work. I curled up on the couch, snuggled into a blanket, and ate my breakfast while watching Bella search for ‘The One’ in her list of ‘the ones who got away’.

It made me think about my exes. If I were to go back through that list, even just a mere 5 years after high school, who would I find them to be now? I only know for sure what one of them is doing. Other than that, I really don’t know what any of them are doing. My guess would be that 99% of them are doing something not much different from what they were doing in high school…they’re just 5 years older now. Would any of them surprise me? Will they have grown up? One of Bella’s exes from an episode a couple weeks ago was the most intriguing to me; the situation I would most hope to find one of my exes in. This particular ex of Bella’s was the ‘bad boy’ when they dated. The guy you don’t bring home to dad, because if you do, you’ll end up one boyfriend short. (Which, by the way, describes 99% of the guys I dated up until graduation.) When Bella reconnects with him, he’s a cop. He’s somewhat cleaned up his act, although he does still maintain a little of the old ways. If I ran into any of my exes today, would I find that they’ve grown up at all?

In addition to roaming around memory lane, I decided, definitively, that I need to find a legitimate, lucrative, work-from-home job. I enjoyed waking up and curling up on the couch with a snuggly blanket. I would love to get up, watch a little TV, take a shower, throw on something comfier than my normal work clothes, snuggle in on the couch and get to work. The problem – finding a job that allows me to do this. One day…one day I will work from home. Or, if I could find a work-from-home enterprise to supplement my income, and only have a part-time ‘real’ job, that would be okay, too.

Instead, I’m here at my ‘real’, not at home job. The owner of the company came in to the office this morning, said “Hi Rach, how are you doing?” like he does every morning, and I responded as I do every morning: “I’m okay.” He stopped and asked “Are you ever great?” I said no. I am very rarely ever great, and those times that I am great do not involve work. He told me that I should start saying I’m great. If I do, I will start to believe I’m great, and then I really will be great. I would venture to dispute this theory, for myself anyway. I have tried this method before – if I say it enough, I’ll believe it and it will then become true. It doesn’t work for me. If I start saying I’m great when I’m not, I’ll start seeing how truly far from great I really am. It’s more depressing than uplifting in my case. However, beginning tomorrow, I will tell him that I am great. To everyone else, I’m okay.

Last night I was watching Greek (Will Max return next season? I sure hope so!!) and ABC Family had a couple ‘exclusive’ peeks into the Twilight movie, opening in theaters November 21st. I’m super excited about this movie, and I was super excited about the sneak peeks. I even saved Greek on my DVR so I can re-watch them later J My husband isn’t thrilled about the movie (I don’t think he has much room to criticize it, though, considering he hasn’t read the book, or really watched the trailer with an open mind) and whenever something about the book or movie comes up in conversation, he mocks it and makes fun of it, and generally is pretty jerky about it. So, last night I pointed out to him that I don’t continuously make fun of the things that he enjoys, even if I think they’re silly. He always makes fun of me for enjoying this book and looking forward to the movie. It makes me sad. He said last night that he understood what I was saying, and he wouldn’t do it anymore…only time will tell.

Stop the Madness!!!

2008-10-28T08:59:00.000-07:00

I haven't written anything for a little over a week because I felt like I didn't have anything to write about. Well, I'm back with plenty to talk about.

I went on vacation this weekend, and I woke up last Monday morning really excited about the week. I woke up on time (an amazing feat for me), despite the fact that I didn't get much sleep Sunday night. I did a load of laundry before work. Things were looking great. Then I got to work...and spilled coffee on my pants 10 minutes before I was to be chained to my desk. Luckily, I was wearing black pants, so it wasn't noticeable after I wiped it off. I went through the rest of the day pretty sleepily, considering my lack of sleep the night before. Monday night we had a birthday dinner for my dad, which we left a little early because I was falling asleep.

I went to bed Monday night around 9:30...and slept for about 30 minutes before I was wide awake. My husband came to bed and started snoring as soon as he fell asleep. It was going to be one of those nights. I got up and moved myself to the couch, where I stayed awake watching TV until around 2:00 on Tuesday morning. I awoke about 3 1/2 hours later to my husband gently wiggling my foot. I carried my stuff into the bedroom and slept for another 40 minutes or so. Tuesday was a little blurry, due to my lack of sleep and the excruciating headache I was now forced to endure. I did sleep Tuesday night, so that was a plus.

Wednesday wasn't too bad. I was a little groggy still and I was still suffering from my massive headache. We live in a second-floor apartment, and I've been known to struggle with the stairs. Oh, I make my way up and down...but we fight a little. I've tripped both up and down the stairs, I've caught my shoe on the hem of my pants and flown down 8 stairs, seeing my life flash before my eyes. We don't get along, those cement stairs and I. So, Wednesday morning, I was headed down the stairs to go to work and I almost fell down the stairs again. Thank goodness for hand railings. On the plus side, I did get my bangs trimmed by my amazing friend Emily at lunch on Wednesday.

I woke up Thursday morning thinking "This is going to be a good day. It's my Friday. I get a free massage tonight." THINK AGAIN! Okay, so the day actually wasn't too bad. I did get a free massage from my newly-licensed-massage-therapist friend, Alisha, and it was amazing. Then it was time to go home. We headed down the stairs...and I fell. At least these stairs were carpeted. I had lotion on my feet, from the massage, and I stepped down on a stair wrong, and down I went. The worst part for me was seeing my soda fly out of my cup and land all over the light-colored carpet. I had soda all over my pants, which I had just washed that morning to make sure they were clean for my weekend trip. My tailbone now hurt, and the headache which had been relieved by the massage had now returned with a vengeance, due to my spine being shoved back into my brain. I headed home, carefully, and relayed the story of my week to my husband. I sat down on the floor next to my purse and reached in to take out the storage bag full of yummy trail mix that I wanted to snack on while I finished packing. As I lifted the bag...the contents fell out through a hole that had been ripped in the bag. My husband laughed hysterically. One of two things was going to happen on our vacation: 1.) The trip was going to suck, just as badly as the rest of my week OR 2.) It was going to be amazing, and there was so much amazingness in store that the only way my little self could handle it was to have a crappy week leading up to the vacation.

Friday morning we left for the airport at the horrendous time of 5:15 am (despite the fact that I chose the flight times, I was not happy about this time). The morning was going fairly well, so I was optimistic about the trip. The flight was on time and smooth. We had no problems getting our rental car, and the guy who checked us in for our car even gave us a little discount. Southwest Airlines did break my suitcase a little, but it was a free suitcase, so I can't complain too much. All in all, the weekend was starting off pretty well. I remained optimistic...until the drive from Seattle to Olympia. I was riding in the passenger seat, my husband driving. He glanced over in my direction, and said "There's a spider on the headliner and he's crawling toward you." I laughed him off, figuring he was messing with me. He repeated that the spider was crawling toward me. I thought he might be telling me the truth, so I froze, reached up for the sunvisor and opened the mirror. Sure enough, there was a spider behind my head. I freaked out, as I usually do when I see a spider. I had no idea how to get it out of the car. What followed was a hilarious, to my husband anyway, display of my dislike for spiders. So, this is how we're going to play, huh? This is what my weekend looks like? Fabulous...

The min-vacay actually turned out really well. We visited my husband's cousin & his wife. It was very low-key, but busy, and great. I can't wait to go back! Hopefully this week holds no more falling down the stairs, and no more spiders in places they shouldn't be.

Obsession

2008-10-15T10:22:00.000-07:00

What is it with our obsession with knowing what our friends are doing every minute of the day? Facebook, MySpace and LinkedIn give us the capability to let everyone with access to our profiles know what we're doing this very minute. I read an article a few months ago talking about being able to do the same thing on your cell phone. Can you say 'stalker'?

I have a Facebook profile and a MySpace profile. And, yes, sometimes I do put something in that little status update box. But more importantly, I read what others have put in their status update boxes. I am truly interested in the fact that my friend is thinking about what to have for lunch. I may even make a suggestion. When the update is positive, I share in their celebration. When it is negative, I give my condolences. I receive similar comments regarding my updates, as well, and I love to get them.

But why? What causes this obsession? Is it our society's culture of instant gratification or something else? Do we watch those status updates to see who's lives are more interesting, or more mundane, than our own? Do we really truly care what 'Pete' is doing right now or are we so desparate to escape our own lives that we delve into others' lives instead?

Take it one step further - what is with our obsession with online networking sites altogether? I get LinkedIn - to make business connections. I know you can do that on other sites, but mostly every other site is social networking. Do we really need 300 "friends"; 70% of whom we have never met or even talked to outside of the website? Their profile shows we have a shared interest, so we add them as a friend and we are suddenly enthralled with their every move. It's craziness. It's an addiction. n.wunderlin discusses this addiction.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being able to stay connected with my friends and reconnect with those I have lost touch with. I thank the internet for allowing this, I really do. However, I don't want this to replace the time I spend face-to-face with those I love. I value quality time with my friends. I love sitting down with them and chatting over a cup of coffee. Yes, I have a busy life and sometimes it's easier to maintain those connections online. But I refuse to give up my face-to-face time!

Where do we go from here? Is this a phase in our culture that will wane away and we'll go back to actually talking to each other? Or will we bury ourselves deeper inside the recesses of our computer worlds and lose the ability to effectively communicate outside the world of Facebook and emoticons?

Will I ever learn?

2008-10-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

Every single year I do this same thing. October rolls around, and I dive into the creepy culture of scary movies and stories of haunted locales. This year is no different. Don't get me wrong, I love all the creepy stuff. But, it creeps me out! I know, that's the point of it all and I appreciate it. I just always seem to choose the worst time to delve into it.

Case in point - Friday afternoon. The phones at work were slow, and I was bored, so I decided to go online and look up supposedly haunted places in my home state of Indiana. Mostly I wanted to see if the stories I heard growing up were on the list. Sure enough, they were. So I spent most of Friday afternoon looking at all kinds of creepy, haunted places stories. I was sufficiently freaked out by the end of the day. Then I went home to an empty apartment...for the weekend. My husband was out of town on a weekend-long hunting trip, so I was alone all weekend. I stayed up late on Friday night trying to clear my head of any remaining creepiness before I went to sleep.

I spent Saturday watching..."scary" movies. It's like a weird addiction, or a bad car accident. I know they're going to freak me out, but I can't help but watch.

The "Saw" movie franchise is the perfect example. The first 2 scared me, and I had a few nightmares, but it wasn't the most horrible thing in the world. Saw 3, which my then-fiance and I saw in theaters, scared the beejeebers out of me, and I didn't sleep at all that night. I literally curled up into a ball in the corner of my bed against the wall and spent the whole night terrified that someone would come in to my room, kidnap me, and I'd be forced to dismember myself in order to survive. I told my husband, fiance at the time, that I would not watch the 4th movie until we were married, and I didn't have to sleep alone, so I wouldn't be so scared. I was still scared witless after the 4th movie, and having someone sleeping in bed with me didn't alleviate that fear, although I did actually sleep that night.

Now, after 4 terrifying movie experiences, you would think that I would be intelligent enough to say "Enough is enough. I'm not watching these movies again." Along with my wits, these movies have apparently stolen some of my IQ points. The 5th installation of the movie comes to theaters October 24th. I can't wait to see it. I know that I will not sleep and I will be afraid to go outside in the dark and I will feel the need to purchase pepper spray. I will then vow never to watch another scary movie in my life. Then I will head to the video store to pick up the latest scary rental. It's an illness.

What's your favorite scary movie or scary story?

Crazy State Laws

2008-10-09T11:04:00.000-07:00

Crazy Indiana State Laws
Most states have crazy, dumb state laws. We've all heard some of them. Since I hail from Indiana, I will start with crazy Indiana state laws. Believe it or not, this is not a comprehensive list. I think 20 is enough for today...

1. Waitresses may not carry drinks into a restaurant or bar. They can carry them around the restaurant/bar. They can carry them out of the restaurant/bar. They just can't carry them into the restaurant/bar. Unfortunate for you if you sit outside, and they bring you the wrong drink. They can't take it back inside!

2. Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide. Seriously? Does it matter that the beds in a hotel may not be the same size? Does this size conform to a queen, king, or a double bed? Weird. You know you're going to measure the sheets next time you're at a hotel :)

3. If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices. This actually might not be a bad law, although they should be probably adjust the fine according to inflation. I've been to some Indiana puppet shows and can attest that they would have fallen under the Immoral Practices Act...

4. Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined $1-$3 for each offense, with a maximum fine of $10 per day. If they collected these fines, this would solve the national debt.

5. A $3 fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming. Really? Again, solution to the national debt right here.

6. The value of Pi is 3. Indiana has the ability to set worldwide mathematical standards. This law alone explains why I suck at math.

7. It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. Amen!

8. One may not sniff glue. Although no fine will be imposed for said sniffing. I'd hate to see the punishment for all those 4-5 year olds who sniff their Elmer's Glue every time they get it out.

9. A person must get a referral from a licensed physician if he or she wishes to see a hypnotist unless the desired procedure is to quit smoking or lose weight. I would think that one should need a referral from a physician if they want to see the hypnotist for the two reasons that they don't need a referral. We're a little confused in Indiana.

10. Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. We have a good-sized Amish population that might account for this rule.

11. It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday. I actually don't mind this rule.

12. Oral sex is illegal. We'll leave that one alone...

13. A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17. Perhaps a little overboard, but overall not a bad law. I think automatic arrest is a little too much, but it certainly might garner a little investigation.

14. It is against the law to pass a horse on the street. Again, Amish population, so yes we still have horses on the street.

15. It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks. Again, I don't have an issue with this law, and, in fact, think it's not a bad idea.

16. Liquor stores may not sell milk.

17. Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor. Warm liquor, yes, but no cold liquor.

18. You can get out of paying for a dependant's medical care by praying for him/her. Prayer helps! Perhaps if you prayed, they wouldn't need medical care.

19. One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate. Reasonable request.

20. Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session. What was the thought process behind this one?
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Crazy California State Laws
Since I currently live in California, I'll throw in the crazy California state laws at no extra charge!

1. Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. They obviously don't enforce this law in the winter. Who gets punished when the sunshine is not available? Do they fine the sun?

2. Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. Really, no one wants to see that anyway.

3. Bathhouses are against the law. Strange...

4. It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. Well that's good, because I drive past a whale every single day, and I'm never sure if I can shoot it or not!

5. Women may not drive in a house coat. That's unfortunate. This contributes to California's obsession with needing to be completely made-up before you even go to your mailbox!

6. No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour. This is good news for the rest of us on the road!

Dancing and Spiders

2008-10-08T08:42:00.000-07:00

Last week I was at my parents house, and my step-mom and I were talking about TV - Dancing with the Stars in particular. I don't watch the show, not because I dislike it, I just have too many other shows to watch (see evidence here). So, we were talking about it, and she mentioned that Dancing with the Stars has a Cardio Dance workout video. Amazing! I had to have it. I mentioned it to a friend at work, and guess what? That's right, she owns the video!! So, she said she'd lend it to me. She brought it to me on Monday and I went home after work and watched it. Put in the DVD and plopped down on the floor in front of the TV to watch what I would soon be attempting for myself. (As my husband so astutely pointed out to me, sitting on the floor watching the DVD does not count as working out. Thank you Sherlock Holmes.) I was worn out just watching the warm-up! Yesterday I got home from work and decided I would give it a try. I would have just enough time for a decent work-out attempt while dinner was cooking. So I changed out of my work clothes, rearranged the living room a bit, and had my husband set up the video camera. That's right - I recorded this atrocity. Why would I do this? I'm not really sure. I guess I wanted to see just how ridiculous I looked in hopes that it would make me work harder to not look so ridiculous next time. And ridiculous I sure did look! I was not born with the grace of a dancer, and that is obvious. I had trouble following the warm-up moves, never mind trying to learn the Pasa Doble moves they were teaching! I was exhausted after this 20-minute work-out and 97% sure that I accomplished nothing more than making a fool of myself. Oh well. I'll try again tomorrow. Maybe the Cha-Cha will be a better dance for me...

On to the spiders...or spider, I should say. Large spider. This morning I woke up, ate breakfast, watched 90210 (poor Naomi) and headed to the bedroom to get ready for work. I turned on the light and something caught my eye on the ceiling. I looked up and there was a giant spider on the ceiling above our bed. Clearly I could not just go to work and leave it there - who knows where it would have been when I got home? I couldn't sleep tonight not knowing where the beast was. So, I had to dispose of it. But how? I wasn't about to climb up on the bed and put my head within striking distance in order to smoosh it with a shoe. Plus, then there would be spider goo on the ceiling above where we sleep, and a very good chance that some of that spider goo, or some of the spider itself, would find its way into the bed. Bad odds either way. I'm not nearly coordinated enough to put a cup over the spider, slide some cardboard between the cup and the ceiling and release the little guy outside safely. No, and not nearly humane enough for that. Spiders are evil, all must die. My solution was this: retrieve a pool towel from the bathroom and spread it out over the bed under the spider's resting place on the ceiling, grab the Swiffer sweeper from the pantry, use said sweeper to smoosh spider without having to get any closer than the end of the bed on the floor. It was a successful kill. I took its mangled dead body out to the balcony and shook it off over the railing, probably to land on the downstairs neighbors' patio (serves them right for playing their music so darn loud at inappropriate hours!). While I have avoided the trauma of returning home tonight to an intruder who cannot be located, I have caused myself to be on spider lookout today. Everywhere I go I'm searching for spiders. I do not usually encounter spiders one at a time. They tend to come at me 2 or 3 in a row. I'm sure I'll go home to find a whole family, aunts and uncles included, of spiders residing on the ceiling above the bed, mourning the loss of their loved one and desperate for revenge. Can't wait...

Blast from the Past...Sort of

2008-10-07T16:36:00.000-07:00

My Favorite Songs from the 80's

Ok, so I don't have any recollection of the 1980's - I was born mid-decade, and my first discernible memory occurs no earlier than 1989-1990. While I don't recall the 80's, I sure do love that decade's music! Below is a list, in chronological order because I can't choose which one I like the most, of my top 15 favorite 80's songs. This is by no means a comprehensive list of my favorite 80's songs. Just 15 of them :)

1. 1980 - Pat Benatar - Hit Me with your Best Shot Very repetitive song, but one that I can't help singing along with and find myself dancing to every time I hear it, as is the case with most of the songs on my list. It's a song about a girl, who like a guy, who has the MO of hurting the girls who like him, but she doesn't care. She wants to give it a go anyway. She even taunts him - "Before I put another notch in my lipstick case, you better make sure you put me in my place". This girl's not going to get taken advantage of, and that's for sure.

2. 1981 - Rick Springfield - Jessie's Girl How I long to be Jessie's Girl. Or even the girl of the guy who's point of view the song is from (which I guess would be Rick Springfield...). The video for the song leaves a little to be desired - namely Jessie and his girl. They make a brief appearance at the beginning of the video and the end of the video, and she makes a brief appearance in the mirror in the middle of the video. It's a good thing I don't base my opinion of 80's music on the videos :)

3. 1982 - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts - I Love Rock N' Roll Another repetitive song, but that just means it's easier to learn the words! I force myself not to think about how old Joan Jett is supposed to be in the song, and why she's hitting on a 17-year old guy, because if I dwell on this information, the song will just gross me out. So I pretend she's 17, too, or maybe even 16. I live vicariously through this song, as I have never experienced a chance meeting with a stranger from across the room. And, seeing as I'm married, I never will. This song brings out the rocker chick in me every time.

4. 1983 - Men At Work - Down Under Ok, so the words to this song make absolutely NO sense to me, but I have fun singing them. And tell me you haven't craved a vegemite sandwich after hearing this song. (Not sure I want to know what exactly it is, though)

5. 1983 - Michael Jackson - Billie Jean The moral of the story: "Be careful what you do, because the lie becomes the truth." A heartbreaking tale of a single mother and a fatherless child. *she shakes her head in sadness* However, the upbeat tempo of MJ's version allows for a catchy sing-along/dance-along. I'll be honest - I couldn't understand 90% of the words in this song until David Cook covered it for American Idol last year. Doesn't stop me from dancing along to MJ's version, though, now that I do understand them.

6. 1984 - Kenny Loggins - Footloose Good movie, good song. I can visualize the triumphant school dance scene from the end of the movie every time I hear the song. Makes me want to put on a pale frilly dress and pull out my best moves. Unfortunately, I have no moves.
7. 1984 - Prince & The Revolution - When Doves Cry Prince is an anomaly for me. I'm not sure why I like him, but I do. There's something oddly appealing about him. I can't pinpoint why I like this song, I just know I do. There it is...

8. 1985 - Wham! - Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go Another song that elicits embarrassing dance moves! Some would say this is an awesomely bad song. I just think it's an awesome song. Okay, I know, it's a Wham! song. It makes me want to learn the jitterbug. It's catchy, and it references both a yo-yo AND Doris Day. What could be better?

9. 1986 - Bon Jovi - Livin' On a Prayer Better. Bon Jovi is definitely better than Wham! Which is why they get 3/15 spots on my list. Livin' On A Prayer. The youth of today (coming from a 22-year old...) can't quite appreciate the plight of young Tommy and Gina. This is my favorite driving-in-the-car-yelling-the-lyrics-song. I crank up the volume and yell at the top of my lungs, thereby destroying my vocal chords for the remainder of the day. Usually I listen to it on the way home from work to help relieve some of the day's tension. Good stress relief, Bon Jovi is. And how about Jon's hair in that video? Classic 80's hair.

10. 1986 - Bon Jovi -You Give Love a Bad Name I'm forced to start this song over every time it comes up on shuffle on my I-Pod because I miss the first couple words! Let the music kick in before you start singing. But then it just wouldn't be the same. Another great shouting song.

11. 1987 - Bangles - Walk Like an Egyptian My love for this song may stem from my love of Egyptian history. I believe I was in my Egyptian archaeology phase in junior high. And, really, how can you not like a song that tells you the cops can be found hanging out in a donut shop?

12. 1988 - Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine This song holds a special place in my heart. My high school had a class you could take that produced a 10-15 minute TV show for the school. The theme song for the show for my time in high school was the guitar intro to Sweet Child O' Mine. I get all misty-eyed and reminiscent when I hear the song start. Like many 80's songs, it gets a bit repetitive, and is fairly long. But, to me, well worth it to spend 5 minutes with my high school memories.

13. 1988 - Bon Jovi - I'll Be There for You Powerful rock ballad...in my eyes...or ears. The chorus amazes me - 8 lines long and 7 of those lines end with the word "you". I guess that's one way to make a song rhyme...My favorite 2 lines: "I know you know we've had some good times
Now they have their own hiding place"

14. 1989 - Poison - Every Rose has its Thorn Another powerful rock ballad in my opinion. Sad, sad song. And I sing it every time I pass by a rose bush or see a cowboy...neither of which happen very often, come to think of it...

15. 1989 - The B-52's - Love Shack This brings us to the last song on the list. Such a corny song. And disturbing. I don't want to know why there are so many people rocking the Love Shack. I can't help but sing it...I can't help but dance. I'm not proud of this fact, but I will not deny that this makes it into my list of 15 favorite 80's songs.

What are your favorite 80's songs? Care to dispute any of my choices? (Go ahead, I dare you!) Stay tuned for my list of my favorite songs of the 90's! I have a feeling this list will take a little while longer to narrow down...

This Weekend In Review

2008-10-07T14:01:00.000-07:00

This weekend wasn't horrible. I'll recap it for you. And, since it's Tuesday, I'll throw in a Monday recap! Enjoy! :)

Friday
Friday night we had dinner with a couple friends of ours. We went over to their house and BBQ'd. Dinner was good. Afterwards, we played Texas Hold'Em. I've never played poker before. The closest thing to poker that I've played is Yahtzee. Clearly this would not be my game. No real money was used, just chips. I couldn't tell you the value of each chip, as we kept changing them throughout the game. I've decided that I have a future as a Texas Hold'Em player. I am pretty good at bluffing. I got the other players to bet a little more than they would have liked, then fold because they got worried...only to find out that I had absolutely nothing in my hand!!! Once I did have a pair of 2's. Intimidating hand, that one. Ok, so maybe I won't make the career change just yet, but I won't shy away from a friendly, no money involved game with friends, either.

Saturday
We housesat/dogsat for my parents this weekend. 7:00 am is very early on a Saturday, and I would not choose to wake up this early on my own. The dog chose for me. She decided that this is what time she would like to leave the bedroom. Ug. So, my Saturday started early, and didn't consist of much. The husband and I went to lunch, then went shopping at Fry's Electronics. While an electronics store is not usually my first choice for shopping, I do enjoy visiting Fry's. They have a great selection of movies, and I can usually get a great deal. Case in point - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang only set me back $3.99. Score! (My husband has never seen or heard of this movie. I've married an alien. That's the only explanation for his lack of pop culture knowledge!) Saturday evening we attended a concert at church. Music was good. One of the artists plays at our church/church events quite frequently. He's amazing. We bought his 10-song EP (I just learned what an EP is this weekend! Yay me!) and heard the first full-band song on there. (He's an acoustic player, but will have full-band songs on the CD) I'm really looking forward to the CD.

Sunday
7:00 am Sunday morning does not seem quite as early as 7:00 am Saturday morning. Nevertheless, I was not thrilled when the dog again awoke me at this horrendous time. This time I ignored her. She proceeded to sit next to the bedroom door and, purposely, flick the springy door-stop with her paw, then look at me with an "I didn't do it." look on her face. I again ignored her. The flicked the springy door-stop again. Most annoying sound in the world at 7:00 in the morning!!! I spent the remainder of the day watching the 1st season marathon of The Starter Wife on USA. (Good show. I'll probably tune in to season 2.)

Monday
Work stunk. As usual. We had a surprise birthday party to attend last night, and that was fun. The guy who's birthday it was, Chris, is who's house we had dinner at Friday night. He and a couple other guys do a weekly podcast on Monday nights, so that was the easy way for him not to know what was going on. We all stayed in the garage, and his wife came out and got each person who wanted to say something on the podcast one at a time. They were "special guests" on this week's podcast and told a story about Chris, either real or made-up. It took him about 5 people coming in before he caught on that something was up. It was great. So, while I didn't get to rest last night, I still had fun. I played with all the babies, so today my arms feel like I did a killer workout. Score one for giant babies!

As you can see, my life is full of amazingly interesting things. Glad I could share :)

Safe Haven Laws

2008-10-02T10:01:00.001-07:00

I read an article on the New York Times website this morning regarding Safe Haven laws, specifically talking about the Nebraska law. Nebraska was the last state to enact a Safe Haven law. These Safe Haven laws allow for babies and young children to be dropped off at any fire station, hospital, or police station without any questions asked and no charges filed against the person dropping off the baby/child. Nebraska's law differs from that of many states in that their Safe Haven law includes children up to the age of 19. When the law was first passed, there were many people who thought that parents of unruly teenagers would take advantage of this law and drop their kids off at a Safe Haven facility, which is definitely not the purpose of the law. Legislators disagreed. They've been proven wrong. Last month, a total of 15 older children have been dropped of at Safe Haven locations by parents or grandparents who claimed the children were unmanageable. One father dropped off 9 of his 10 children, aged 1 to 17, saying that since his wife died, he can't handle the burden of taking care of his children. This is definitely not what the law is intended for.

I'm split on the Safe Haven laws. On one hand, I think it's amazing to have a place where an unwanted baby can be dropped off safely, without fear on the mother's part. Better that than the baby be left in an alley or a dumpster, potentially to die. On the other hand, do these laws make it too easy for people to say, "I don't want my child, and there's a safe place for me to drop it off...so, officer, here is my baby." I guess the statistics will show the truth.

Since I live in California, that's where I'll start. California's Safely Surrendered Baby law was enacted in January 2001, and made permanent in January 2006. As of June 2008, 251 babies have been safely surrendered. 149 infants have been found alive, in that same timeframe, following their illegal abandonment. A parent or legal guardian can safely surrender their baby within 72 hours of the baby's birth, confidentially and without fear of prosecution. The parent or legal guardian who is surrendering the baby is giving a bracelet matching the one the baby receives when it is surrendered. This bracelet helps match parent/guardian to the baby should they choose to reclaim the baby during the allowed 14-day period.

What I see in the statistics from California is that there are still a lot of babies being abandoned instead of being safely surrendered. 149 infants were found alive after their illegal abandonment. How many more did not survive that abandonment? I don't think enough people know about the Safely Surrendered Baby law, and if they do, they don't understand it. More people need to understand a) the purpose of these laws and b) the laws themselves. Don't abandon your baby. Safely Surrender it.

The start of a new TV season

2008-10-01T16:02:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love the start of the fall TV season. Not only are the leaves and weather changing, but my favorite characters are jumping back on to my TV screen, joined with new favorites. The anticipation for season premieres is almost too much to handle.

I am addicted to television. I'll admit it. I started out with a handful of shows I couldn't live without and have added to them each season. Currently my regularly scheduled programming includes:

Sunday - Amazing Race, Dexter (the repeats on CBS), Family Guy, The Simpsons, Ax Men
Monday - One Tree Hill, Raising the Bar, Heroes, 24, Kyle XY
Tuesday - 90210, House, Fringe, Greek, Americal Idol, Wipeout, Secret Life of the American Teenager
Wednesday - Pushing Daisies (season premiere tonight - woo hoo!), Bones, American Idol-Results, The Moment of Truth, Mythbusters

Thursday - Survivor, CSI, Ugly Betty, Lost
Friday - Numb3rs, Fight Quest, Don't Forget the Lyrics

And because this clearly isn't enough to keep me occupied, I also enjoy a myriad of random shows on HGTV and other cable networks. Granted, some of these shows are on odd season schedules - starting mid-season or running summer seasons. Still...Come on! I can't give any of them up, though. I am physically unable to do so. So, I will instead put my addiction to good use - I'll critique the episodes (available on a separate blog so I don't tie this one up - http://racheltvuniverse.blogspot.com). Perhaps not every show, but my favorite of the week. Or whatever was on the night before I write my post :)

I asked for it

2008-10-01T13:57:00.001-07:00

So, here I was yesterday complaining about how my life is too boring to inspire my writing. I asked for it. My life suddenly became interesting this morning. It was a fleeting moment of interest, but it was there. I lost one of my wedding bands. I came in to the office and followed my normal morning routine. I sat down at my desk and took off my rings to put on lotion, as I do every morning. They popped off my finger and fell to the ground. My engagement ring and one of my wedding bands stayed on the ground just where they hit. The 2nd wedding band flew...and I didn't see where. Distraught does not begin to cover how I felt. My husband would not have much grace for me losing that ring. I had to find it or risk losing my life. I started my search for the missing ring. After about 5 minutes, one of my colleagues came by and asked what I was doing. I explained and he got down and started searching, too. After about 10 minutes I released him from his search and said that it would turn up eventually. A few minutes later another colleague walked by and asked what I was doing. I explained, and he went to get a flashlight to help me look. After another 10 minutes of unfruitful searching, I released him from the search. About 15 minutes later, another colleague came by and offered to help me search. We took everything off the desk and looked under the desk yet again. I quickly released him from searching, as we didn't find anything. I was beginning to believe that, like my car, my ring came equipped with an invisibility shield that activated as soon as it hit the floor. Stupid invisibility shields. My friend was late coming in to work, but I had texted her to tell her that I lost my ring, and she said she'd help me look as soon as she got in. While she was putting her stuff at her desk, my boss came by and asked how my morning was going. I shared the story of the missing ring with him and he immediately took to searching, as well. Of course we didn't find anything. He asked me if I had checked my clothes, to see if it got stuck on my shirt or pantleg. I assured him that I had checked my clothes, which I had - about 18 times - and shook out my shirt to prove to him that it wasn't there....and what fell out? That's right - my ring. After checking my shirt 18 different times, it finally appeared. It took 5 people searching and 1 1/2 hours of the morning only to find the ring still attached to me. RELIEF!!!

Although I know that my colleagues are generous and we are like a big family, it was still flattering to have 4 other people take the time to crawl around under the desk searching for this piece of jewelry for me. It's moments like those, however fleeting, that I remember why I've stayed at this company for 4 years, through the ups and downs. I am now retracting what I said yesterday about my life being boring. Perhaps I am just not looking hard enough to find the excitement and stories in my life...

Favorite Childhood Possession

2008-09-30T16:15:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Writer's Digest for providing a wonderful list of writing prompts. My choice for today is:"What was your favorite possession when you were a kid? Why did you love it so much and how did it affect your life?"

I think my favorite childhood possession was my teddy bear, Cuddles. He's a fairly small, white teddy bear who, in all reality, isn't incredibly cute. However, he is my favorite. When I was about 5 or 6, we lived in Spokane, Washington. Our house was on a corner lot with a fairly large yard. Out by the street near the corner, there was a big rock. One day, I was outside playing and my mom was sitting on the front stairs watching me. I wandered away from my swingset out toward the big rock near the corner. Something had caught my eye. I reached the rock and bent down to examine my new treasure. Some treasure...whatever it was (I couldn't tell yet) was covered in ants. I called out for my mom to come see what I found. How excited she was to see me examining something covered in bugs. She reached down and took hold of the one tiny spot not teeming with ants and shook off most of the little creatures. Lo and behold, it was a dirty white teddy bear. Of course I wanted to keep him. We took him inside, washed him off, and named him Cuddles. He quickly became my favorite. I think that was the moment in time I realized that I some day wanted to adopt a child. Now, only being 5 or 6, I didn't really get the concept yet, but as I grew up and understood what that meant, I knew I wanted to adopt someday, in addition to having my own children. I trace that back to the day I met Cuddles. Cuddles taught me that something, or someone, doesn't always have to have belonged to you in order for you to love it. It can come from someone else and you can love it just as much as if it were yours from the beginning. I honestly don't know why I loved Cuddles so much, or why he was my favorite. Sometimes love just can't be explained...

Too many words, too many topics

2008-09-30T14:10:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you have an infinite number of words to say to the world? Like if you just sit down and start writing or typing, you'll never be able to stop? I feel like that. Now for part two...Do you ever feel like you have no idea where to start writing or typing? With all the many options to write about, you can't choose just one. You don't know where to start. Again, that's me.

I graduated high school 5 years ago. Since then, I've been in and out of college, not really sure what I wanted to study or what I wanted to do with my life. About 4 years ago, I started working at my current company. I started out only working Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and going to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I was here for about a year when I transitioned to full-time employment. Since then, I've drifted further away from completing my college education and starting down my chosen carerr path, whatever that is. A couple weeks ago, I decided on a major, finally. English. It's always been one of my best subjects in school, and one of my favorites. Why not study it? I like to read and I like to write, why not be taught to do just that? So, after this semester is finished, I will be embarking on that new journey. I still don't know what career I'm working toward, but at least I will enjoy the journey.

I figured that I'd better start writing more in order to hone my skills and just get stuff out of my head. My problem is that I just can't seem to think of anything to write about. Sure, I can write about my daily encounters...but my life just isn't all that interesting. I sit at a desk all day and answer the phone. I barely have any encounters with my colleagues due to my position. I don't do anything exciting in the evenings or on the weekends. I have to look outside my life for writing inspiration. And I can't find anything. Or, I guess I should say that I find too much. I could sure use some help figuring out how to decide what to write about.

Whirlwind Weekend

2008-09-29T16:39:00.000-07:00

Wow! I feel like this last week has just flown by! I had something to do every night last week except Monday night. It continued into the weekend.

Friday I went to a friend’s house for lunch. We hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks and were in need of some bonding time, even if it were only 30 minutes. Her son is 10 ½ months old and he was not feeling well. His normally sunny disposition was overcome by his 102 degree fever and his distaste at having been awakened by the gentleman mowing the back yard. We had a nice lunch, but I left feeling sad that the little one wasn’t his usually chipper self. Friday evening I went to another friend’s house to crochet. She taught me to crochet when she worked in our office, and we love getting together to catch up and create things. (Added bonus – she is Mexican, and, while she speaks English well, she does have a little trouble, so there is always some humorous word mix-up that we both laugh at.) I spent all evening over there. My Friday quickly slipped through my hands.

Saturday morning held in store for us a wedding. Two of our dear friends got married this weekend. It was kind of nice having a Saturday morning wedding, because I didn’t feel like I needed to plan the rest of my day around the wedding. It was a beautiful, fairly small affair. The bride was gorgeous, and the ceremony held lots of laughter. The new Mr. & Mrs. danced their way down the aisle after their first formal announcement, followed by the bridal party dancing behind them. Comical. For the first time at a wedding, I paid more attention to the groom’s face as the bride walked down the aisle (a little difficult in this instance, as I was sitting in the back) and it was a sight. I could tell, even from far away, that he was overcome by the fact that this gorgeous creature walking toward him was truly to be his forever. Precious. The reception was just as amusing, if not more so. Later Saturday evening I took dinner over to our friends who had their baby last week (Baby #5). She is so cute! Her dad is 1/2 Mexican, and he and his 2 brothers all look like their Mexican dad, not a bit of their white mom mixed in there. She looks completely out of place in her family! So, we figured that Siena would be no different, since her dad's genes are so strong and mom is, again, whiter than white. Not so! She has red hair and blue eyes, like her mom, and only a slight tint to her skin. She is precious! Grocery shopping followed this trip to visit the new parents, and thus ended my Saturday.

Sunday I spent all morning at church - it was my week to stage manage. I had a great time, it was just a long morning. Sunday afternoon held a trip to my grandma's birthday party. We had a good laugh at my husband's expense. My cousin has a 2 ½ year old son, Max. Max is the epitomy of a boy - tons of energy, loud, all over the place. My husband is quiet. We were all sitting around listening to my grandma open her birthday cards. Max was wandering around the room, keeping himself semi-quietly occupied. Out of nowhere he went over to my husband leaned in a yelled "HELLO!!!" This scared my husband, so he leaned back. Max proceeded to yell hello again...to which my husband responded by leaning yet further away. This continued one more time before Max finally walked away. The rest of us laughed hysterically, though my husband wasn't quite as amused. He was terrified - kids aren't his thing...yet :) Cutest thing I've seen all week. Good finish to my weekend.

Things that bug me...part 1

2008-09-26T16:40:00.000-07:00

~The Other 60%~

I'm a receptionist at a large company. We get many phone calls each day. Sometimes, the person receiving said phone call is away from their desk, on another line, or in a meeting. When this is the case, I offer the caller voicemail. Approximately 40% of the time they will take voicemail. Approximately 30% of them will ask to hold. Those who hold have infinite patience and tie up my phone lines for at least 15 minutes at a time before they finally give up holding. Do they then choose to go into voicemail? NO! They join the last 30%. The last 30% say they will call back later. I've discovered that later means 2 minutes. 2 minutes after someone calls and I inform them that the person they are calling for is in a meeting...they call back and ask for the same person, and sound just as surprised as they were 2 minutes ago to find that this person is in a meeting. I have no beef with those people who choose to leave a voicemail the first time they call. I marginally dislike those people who choose to hold forever. I am immensely frustrated with those people who have collectively decided 2 minutes is later. Stop calling me...now!

~Unaware Drivers~

I recently discovered that my car came equipped with an invisibility shield. I find this amazing, considering a) I didn't pay extra for this option; b) I drive a Dodge Neon; and c) my car didn't even come with 4 power windows - the front windows are power, the back windows have a lovely handle to manually roll them down. Yet despite all the facts that tell me my car should not have this fancy invisibility shield, IT DOES! Now, I should be excited to own a vehicle with such cutting-edge technology. I'm not. See, the thing about invisibility is that it makes things invisible. When my car's invisibility shield is on, NO ONE CAN SEE MY CAR! Great for running from the cops (no previous experience, just a guess), not great for every day driving. At least twice a week someone tries to merge into my lane...right next to me...while I'm still in that lane. This doesn't work well. These lanes were only made for one car at a time - single file! STAY OUT OF MY LANE! And someone please show me how to turn my invisibility shield off...

~Overtalkative Callers~
As I am a receptionist, I get many phone calls each day. I don't have much time to turn that call around to the recipient. When someone calls in to the office, all I need to know is their name, who they are with, and who they are calling for. I don't need a life story. If you are a client calling in to speak to the person you're working with, that's all I need to know. I don't need to know that your dog died this weekend, your grass is too tall, your coffee was cold, and you need to talk to someone about how to fix all this. I just need to know that your name is _____ _____ (fill in the blank) and you are calling for _____ _____ (fill in the blank). That's it. Period. End of our conversation. Please let it end there. Keep that in mind when you place phone calls. Keep it short and simple when you're talking to the receptionist. As much as they may feign interest in your story, they really don't want to spend 10 minutes on the phone with you and miss all their other phone calls. And don't interrupt their phone greeting, no matter how long or how many times you have heard said greeting. It's rude.

Surprisingly enough, that's all I can find to complain about at the moment. The day is young, though, and I'm sure someone will remind me of yet another thing that bugs me.

When is it my turn?

2008-09-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

My cousins are in town this week with their beautiful baby girl. They live in Washington and this is their first visit back home with Emma. We had dinner with them last night, and I got to hold Emma for hours. She is absolutely adorable! She has these cute little rolls on her legs and chubby little fingers. Precious!

I've always known I wanted to have children. Like most little girls, I dreamed of the day I would become a mommy. I've always loved kids, especially babies. I've helped out in the nursery and kids classes at church, I helped with the preschool we ran out of our high school, I babysat. All of my friends are at that getting married/having kids point in life, so I'm constantly surrounded by a pregnant friend or a new baby. There is no end to my baby interaction. Through all that, I've known that someday I will have a baby of my own and it will be amazing. I've wanted a baby forever. I know I'm not ready, and my husband is not ready, but I want one. Not right now, but someday. It's a desire of my heart, placed there for a reason, and I know it will come to pass. Last night, holding Emma, rubbing her chubby little leg, and watching her sleep...I was content. In that moment, with that beautiful little girl in my arms, I was peace. Whatever else is going wrong in my life, whatever I have to stress about, it all melted away as soon as I saw her. I was made to be a mom. I was created to have my very own precious little baby to hold and love. The desire that has always been so present in my heart welled up even more fervently. It screamed at me. It jumped up and down with neon signs and bullhorns - THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE MADE FOR!!! As many babies as I've held in the last 2 years, and as much as I love them all...this was different. She's family, yes, but it's more than that. It may very well be that she's the first girl in the group. I always thought I wanted to have a boy first...until Emma. There's something completely different about holding a tiny little girl versus a tiny little boy. Not only was I made to be a mother, but I was made to have a little girl.

When my husband and I got engaged, of course we talked about children. I want 4, he's okay with 1. I want to be married 2 years before we start having kids, he's okay with waiting 10+ years to have kids (which works for him since he has no biological clock ticking away his childbearing years). After we got married, he suddenly decided that he doesn't want kids...ever. That is not okay with me. However, I'm certain that he does want children at some point in his life - he is the only son in his family, so if he doesn't have a son, the name dies with him. I know he wants a little boy to go hunting with and teach him about cars.

5 months before we got married, we found out some friends of ours were going to have a baby. A few months after that, we found out another couple was expecting. A couple months after we got married, we got the news that another couple would be parents, as well, and couple #1 had baby #1. Baby #2 came a couple months later. A few days after baby #2 arrived, we found out that our cousins were expecting. About 4 months before our first anniversary, couple #5 announced they were expecting. About 3 months after that, baby #3 arrived. Baby Emma joined us in July. About 2 months ago we found out that couple #1 is expecting their second baby in March and another couple is expecing their first in February. Baby #5 arrived 2 days ago. We found out last weekend that my husband's sister is expecting her 7th child (her sixth child is only 20 months old). We have been constantly surrounded by pregnancies and babies over the last 2 years and there seems to be no end in sight as more of our friends are getting married, and round 2 of babies is starting (thank you couple #1!). My husband hasn't spent much time around any of the handful of babies that exist in our circle of friends. They are all wonderful babies with wonderful parents who will raise them to be wonderful children. He has, however, spent time around his 9 nieces and nephews (#10 will be here soon!). They have not-so-wonderful parents and are definitely not-so-wonderful children. All he's ever known of children pretty much comes from them. If that's all I had ever known, I would be a huge advocate for sterilizing the human race. Lucky for me I have known mostly wonderful children throughout my life, so I am instead adamantly against population-wide sterilization. I believe the only reason he keeps telling me that he does not want children ever is because he's afraid that his kids will turn out like his nieces and nephews. We will be great parents, though, so there's clearly nothing to worry about.

I think he freaks out when I say "When I have a baby..." because he thinks I want one right now. I'm fully aware that right now is the complete wrong time for a baby. I just want on someday. He can't differentiate between now and and someday. Or, rather, he doesn't think I can make that distinction. I'm content to hang out with the multitude of babies I'm surrounded by...for now. I just want him to spend some time with them so he can see how great they can be.

Last night, my husband held baby Emma. It was adorable watching him struggle to figure out how to hold this little person. We were able to get him to admit that she is both soft and cute. When she cried, he said it was sad that she was so upset. I think we are on our way toward him being ready for a baby. Not close...but on our way.

Nature and Violins

2008-09-22T16:35:00.000-07:00

This weekend flew by. I attend a small group/Bible study every Thursday night, but we had to move it to Friday night last week. We ended a study in August, and decided to take September off to just have fun. First week - nutrition seminar with one of the girls' moms, which was actually really fun. Second week - pedicures! Third week (last week) - movie night. I was in charge of bringing the movie. Enchanted April was our intended viewing pleasure, but as it turns out, the movie is not yet available on DVD...despite the fact that the movie came out in 1993. So, it was up to me to find an alternate movie. I showed up with 4 choices.

1. Roman Holiday (Audrey Hepburn & Gregory Peck) - I had never seen this movie, but always heard rave reviews about it. I had also never seen an Audrey Hepburn movie, so I figured I would kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

2. Out of Africa (Meryl Streep & Robert Redford) - I had also never seen this movie but had heard good things about it. Danish woman marries for the title of Baroness, starts a plantation in Africa, falls in love with someone other than her husband. Drama, I'm sure, ensues.

3. Pretty in Pink (Molly Ringwald...need I say more?) - This I picked from my personal collection. I figured that if none of the other movies suited my group's needs, this certainly would. One can never go wrong with a little Molly...

and finally...4. Casablanca (Humphrey Bogart & Ingrid Bergman) - Again, from my personal collection. "Of all the gin joints in all the world, she had to walk into mine." Need I go further? When all else fails, there is Casablanca.

We decided on Roman Holiday, as none of us had ever seen it. We made it approximately 5 seconds into the movie before someone made the first mocking comment. We made it about 20 minutes into the film before we gave up on it, since were all mocking not only the movie at this point, but Audrey Hepburn's performance in said movie. We decided it was time to call the movie night a night, and just chat instead.

Saturday flew by in about 5 minutes. I woke up, showered & dressed, watched a few episodes of Hereos: Season 2, in preparation for tonight's Season 3 premiere (yay!) and went to my parents for a couple hours. Then, my husband and I attended a birthday dinner for a friend of ours. After dinner, which was relatively short for 6:00 pm on a Saturday night, we did a little shopping, and went home. That was Saturday. Where did it go?

Sunday brings me to the title of today's entry. We went to church in the morning, then to lunch, like usual. We had to go to my boss's house in the afternoon so my husband could pair his car to their gate (fancy cars do fancy things). I tagged along. As they were working on first getting the gate functional, I sat in the car (BMW convertible) and just listened. It was quiet except for the trees rustling and the noise of the birds. Wafting out the windows of the house every now and then came the sound my boss's youngest daughter playing the violin. At first, I was bored and figured I'd go out of my mind if I had to sit there for too long. Then, I turned off the car, and that's when I heard the peace and quiet I just described. It was so serene. I could have sat there for hours just listening. It was a great middle-of-the-day activity.

My suggestion for a calming activity amidst stress - take a ride in a convertible to a semi-remote/remote spot and put on some peaceful violin music.

Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum!

2008-09-19T14:51:00.000-07:00

Today is National Talk Like a Pirate Day. A few years ago, we took a family trip to Hawaii - my dad, my step-mom, me, my husband (boyfriend at the time), my sister, my brother-in-law, and my brother. This was our first full family trip since becoming a family in 1998, and, to top it off, it included 2 people who were in the midst of deciding whether or not they wanted to become part of our crazy family. Taking them on the family trip to Hawaii was definitely going to push them to one side of the fence or the other. We went to the Big Island and stayed in Kona. For anyone who's ever been to the Big Island, you know it pretty much takes an hour or more to get from anywhere to anywhere else. So, here we are in our big SUV, all 7 of us. Every day had an activity planned, courtesy of my step-mom, so we spent a lot of time traveling the island. Get any 3 of us in the same car at the same time, and we can't agree on a radio station, so all 7 of us agreeing was about as likely to happen as seeing the Loch Ness Monster walk up onto the beach. Needless to say, we had to find some way to pass the time. My brother told a pirate joke on one of our car trips. I don't remember what that first joke was, but it set off a barrage of the corniest pirate jokes you have ever heard! "What's a pirate's favorite animal? An AAARRRdvark!" "What's a pirates favorite food? An AAARRRtichoke!" These jokes lasted us through probably a full 2 days on the island. We would tell an hour's worth of lame pirate jokes on the car ride to our next adventure. When we got to our destination, the jokes would fade away. Then, when you least expected it, my brother would bust out with another one. In the middle of our group horseback ride. While we were snorkeling. The very moment just before the luau started. When we got back home, these jokes popped up randomly for a good 6-7 months after the trip.

What is your favorite pirate joke?

Pirates of the Caribbean. A beloved ride at Disneyland and a mega-money-making movie franchise. I absolutely love all three Pirates of the Caribbean movies. The second movie was a little cheesier than it needed to be, but I still love it. Unleash your inner pirate.

If you were a pirate, who would you be more like and why?
~Jack Sparrow (excuse me, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow, savvy?)
~Will Turner
~Captain Barbossa
~Miss Elizabeth Swan-Turner
~Option E - fill in your own favorite pirate, from the movie or not

Happy Friday! Have a wonderful weekend, and try to avoid contracting scurvy...whatever the heck scurvy is.

Tennessee

2008-09-18T16:52:00.000-07:00

My mom and I were talking on the phone last night, and I was telling her a story from one of our trips to visit the family in Tennessee. I started thinking about those trips and memories from them - I was fairly young, so I don't remember much. I decided that it would be a good idea to write down all those memories, no matter how disjointed they are. Maybe one day I'll be able to share them with my kids or my grandkids. For now, I'll share them with you.

Grandpa Riley and Aunt Virgie lived in a little brick house in Tennessee. All the other houses on the street were brick, too. They always had the front and back doors open with just the screen doors shut. Their floors were white tile. Not linoleum, but not fancy tile. The floor was always cold, no matter how hot it was outside. There was a little round table in their kitchen that we used to sit at. Aunt Virgie always had her hair in a ponytail and wore a handkerchief on her head. She sat at the table with her legs crossed and smoked her cigarettes. When she smiled, I could see how beautiful she would have been when she was younger; how beautiful she was even then. Grandpa Riley always wore suspenders. The grass there was always so green. The whole family was down there once, and my mom's cousin Dean taught me how to catch lightning bugs. Dusk in Tennessee with a lightning bugs is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Aunt Ann and Uncle Junior had a really tall bed - high off the ground - and a lot of blue in their house. I'm not sure why I remember that, but I do. Their house was very cozy.

Starting from Scratch

2008-09-17T09:38:00.000-07:00

I want to major in English. Literature/Creative Writing more precisely. I am approximately 5 classes away from having an AA in Liberal Arts. I'm pretty sure I am NO WHERE close to a degree in English. What would I do with an English degree? Of course, what am I going to do with a degree in Liberal Arts? What is Liberal Arts anyway? That's what people major in when they don't know what else to major in. That's me. Until now. I guess it wouldn't hurt to check into an English degree. I wonder what sort of degree one needs to be a book editor. Just an English degree, or something else? How fun would that be? I could write a book, but I have no good story ideas. Anthropology last semester and Earth Science this semester have shown me that I have no retention capability, no room in my head for Science. I certainly have no room in there for Math. I can, however, tell you the story of Oedipus, or Othello, or Willy Lowman. Maybe not in extreme detail, but I've held on to the basics, as well as the lessons learned from these stories. Where did the first hominids come from? No clue. Proofreader. I suppose that is an English degree career. A friend of mine told me that I could be a teacher, and that she sees me being good at that. I've always wanted to be a teacher. However, I have a couple friends who are teachers, and it doesn't sound like as much fun as it used to. My vocabulary is in dire need of being enlarged...expanded...increased...multiplied...developed. That is offically the end of my "other words for enlarged" list, without the use of a thesaurus. I should take notes while I watch Gilmore Girls. Great words on that show. Perhaps a word-of-the-day calendar would be a good idea for me. My problem is remembering to use the words. I wonder if Sierra has a class on increasing your memory capabilities. Jess wrote a book. I could write a book. About what? Starfish. I know nothing about starfish, so that's ridiculous. What I need is a profound dream. Like Stephenie Meyer - a dream that is so vivid and wonderful it needs to be written down. A dream that has so much potential for more that it turns into a book, without even having to try. A book that turns into 4 books. Then a movie. Ok, maybe not a movie, or even 4 books. One book would be enough. Or a short story. I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm meeting with a counselor at Sierra next week to start my new path toward an English degree. It's going to be a long road, and a busy road, but I just know I'm going to love it...I hope :)

Parties!

2008-07-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

My friend Alisha recently got engaged. Having just planned my own wedding a little over a year ago, I offered my help & my support. Last week, she asked if I would help her organize & plan her parties & showers. There are 8 of them. Now, some people would say that's too many. I happen to think if that's how many she wants, it's just the right amount. In starting to organize & plan these parties, I realized that I've never done this part of the wedding planning before. I've never really been a bridesmaid. I was the flower girl in my aunt's wedding, when I was 7. I was a bridesmaid in my dad & step mom's wedding, when I was 12. I was a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding just a couple years ago, but she had an amazing maid of honor who took care of planning her bridal shower, along with my step mom. I helped, but not until the day of. This party planning experience is completely new to me...and I love it! We're still just at the beginning of the parties, but there is something magical to me about getting to be involved in these parties. The wedding is the main event, and it's super important and that's what everyone will remember. But the showers and parties are what make the bride feel truly loved during the process. It's easy to show up the day of the wedding and say "I love you and I support you", but it's something entirely different to walk through the rest of the engagement season with the bride and/or groom and say "I love you and I support you...even though you're a crazed maniac planning this wedding." The showers offer the bride a chance to just relax and truly be doted upon. I'm blessed to get to be a part of this season of her life. It makes me wish I had more enjoyed the engagement season of my life, and not rushed through to get to the wedding.

Captivating...

2008-06-30T14:55:00.000-07:00

I'm in a small group of wonderful women and we are currently reading the book "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge. The book is amazing. In a nutshell, it's about what God truly created women to be and all the "stuff" in life that causes us to stray from that original calling. Even though I am only in chapter 4, there have been many amazing insights that have come out of this book for me. I will share some of them with you...I figure if you're already reading this, you won't mind reading a little more boring writing from me :)

Insight #1 - Eve did not sin alone.
In the Garden of Eden, Eve did not commit the first sin alone. Now, everyone who has heard the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden knows that they were both in the garden when the first sin was committed and that they both ate of the apple. What a lot of people miss is that Adam was standing RIGHT NEXT TO Eve when she chose to take the first bite of that apple. They weren't in separate parts of the garden when it happened. Eve didn't take that bite and then run to the other side of the garden to share with Adam. He was standing right next to her. That is a huge thing to know about this story. Adam stood by passively as Eve ate of the fruit. God did not create Adam to be passive. He created Adam to rule over the land and all the creatures in it - that does not scream passivity. Adam's choice not to talk Eve out of eating the apple was his first step in the wrong direction. Eve chose to make this huge decision - eating the fruit of the ONE tree God told them not to eat of - without consulting her husband. This was a decision that would have a huge impact on both of them. They sinned together. We all know that Eve's first sin was eating of the fruit. I would venture to say that Adam's first sin was not taking the second bite of the apple, but his first sin was standing by saying nothing while Eve took that bite.

Insight #2 - Eve was created with a GREAT purpose.
In the Bible, it says that God decided Adam was lonely, so he would create a companion for him - woman. It may sound like an afterthough that God created woman, but His intent and His timing were purposeful. I believe the reason God created woman after Adam had some time to walk in the Garden alone is because you can't truly appreciate the company of another person until you have spent time alone. In the book, it says that Eve was created to be Adam's "ezer kenegdo". Basically what this is saying is that Eve was created to be a "help meet" for Adam - someone who is there to be a strength to him & to challenge him when he needs to be challenged. The other times in the Bible this term is used are instances where someone needs God to show up right away & save them. That is a huge purpose to be created for. Women were not created because men "need" a companion...we were created because men NEED an ezer kenegdo. This is only the tip of the iceberg of the reason we were created. Eve was created to be an example of the glorious beauty of God. We all possess beauty in us. That is something I think I, and 99% of the world's women, will struggle with forever - knowing that there is a beauty inside of me that the world needs to see.

Insight #3 - The wounds of our childhood really do affect our adult life.
I've heard this many times, but until reading chapter 4 of "Captivating", it never really hit me. The biggest wound from my childhood was my parents' divorce. How cliché is it to blame your parents' divorce for all your issues? But it's true. There is a fundamental question that girls/women want answered: Am I pretty? Am I captivating? Am I loved? Okay, I know that was 3 questions, but it's really wrapped up in one question. :) When parents divorce, it can seem like the answer to that question is no. Those childhood wounds cause beliefs to spring up in us that aren't true & it causes us to build walls that don't need to be there. I know that's what happened with me. My parents have been divorced for 13 years & are both remarried to amazing people. I moved out to California after graduation to live with my dad, and we have a good relationship now. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that my mom, my dad, my step dad, and my step mom love me and would all answer that fundamental question with a resounding YES! However, the wounds from my childhood and the affects they have had on me live on today. As much as I have tried to escape the fact that my parents' divorce affected me, it did. The good news is that I have a choice. I have a choice to take down those walls. I have a choice to cast aside the false beliefs that I have developed over the last 13 years. I HAVE A CHOICE.

These are just a few of the insights I've gained, and I know the list will grow as I continue reading the book. The biggest thing I'm gaining from this book is that I WAS created with a purpose - both the purpose all women are created with and an individual purpose only I can fulfill - and I have a choice. I have a choice to embrace my purpose and live to fulfill it...or not. I have a choice to let the wounds of my past continue to have their hold on me...or not. I have a choice. Now I have to choose to make those choices.